The Miss Adventures of Kaidan Alenko
by PiperNickson
Summary: This story picks up late mass effect three and beyond - In the aftermath of the Reaper war Shepard and Kaidan (And crew) face a new threat in the form of an ancient alien race set on controlling the weakened galaxy - Rated M for content - for those of you who have read my other fanfics, this one is decidedly less fluffy - if you are sensitive in nature might be best to steer clear!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The Miss-Adventures of Kaidan Alenko

**Author: **DinkyMew

**Game: **Mass Effect 3+

**Disclaimer: **Bioware own all Mass Effect content, characters and world. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware

**Pairings: **Abigail Shepard & Kaidan Alenko; Liara T'soni and James Vega

I lay my head back on the pillow, staring at the glaring white of the strip light above me. It burns behind my pupils and the first echo of a migraine rears its head making colours dance in front of my eyes. They twist and knot like macabre dancers, each fluid movement sending a shard of pain shooting up my arm to explode inside my skull.

I feel the sting of a needle, hiss involuntarily as Dr Chakwas works on my injuries. She says something, but the words are incoherent, jumbled through my hazy vision and the tears that blur my eyes.

She'll be ok, I whisper to myself, she'll come back this time.

I cough, pain wracking through my chest as I taste coppery blood in my mouth; my blood. Beside me Dr Chakwas whirls into motion, her omni-tool glowing as the lights above flicker and the ship rocks beneath us. Somewhere far off I hear an explosion; the intercom speaker on the far wall crackles with the impact and Joker curses loudly. I close my eyes, and have the sensation suddenly that I am falling. I grip the sheets under me in my fists if only to keep myself grounded.

_Abigail looms into my vision, waves of her long dark hair falling around me as she presses her lips to mine. I'm in another time I realise – a moment I have already lived but under the circumstances I don't mind. She tilts her head back, her hair slipping from her shoulders as she leans backwards. The blue glow from the wall tank illuminates her body and I'm left speechless once again, pressing my hand to her abdomen, feeing the muscle there undulate smoothly against me. _

"_Kaidan…" She purrs. _

_I open my eyes and she is sitting on the edge of her bed, her head in her hands and I feel a stab of guilt for having fallen asleep. I rub my eyes, trying to chase the tiredness from me, but I still feel drowsy from our lovemaking. _

"_Hey," I say, touching her hip gently. She flinches, turning to glance at me through the tousles of her dark hair. "What's up?" I ask, genuine concern giving me pause. She half turns, tucking a leg on to the bed as she looks at me. Her blue eyes are large and heavy with thoughts as she draws her teeth over her bottom lip. _

"_Are we going to make it Kaidan?" _

That white light shines through my eyelids, and pain stabs with such force I am sure it has cleaved my skull in two. I groan, raising a hand to my head, curling involuntarily into a foetal position as – like a living thing – the migraine begins to seep throughout my body making every bone hurt with unbearable intensity. I try to sit up, but strong arms force me back down, hold me there while

something is forced into my mouth – it is liquid and it is rancid, but I choke it down feeling it burn a path down my throat as it goes.

"_Are we going to make it Kaidan?" _

Please, I beg, and I am answered by a cool hand on my forehead. A far away voice is talking but I cannot make it out. I'm freefalling, wind whistling between my fingers as I brace for impact. I can hear my heart – the beat is sluggish, my chest tightening with each shallow breath I take.

"No, adrenaline." I hear a female voice say, and I open my eyes with great effort. There is a silhouette over me; a black cut-out against that horrible strip light. I frown, reaching a hand to her.

"Abby?" I ask, uncertain and a hand takes mine, pushing it back by my side.

"No, Kaidan." The voice says, and it is warm and motherly. Maybe it's my mom – maybe she made it off Earth after all "Try and stay still, we're giving you a shot of adrenaline." She says and I smile, nodding, closing my eyes once more.

"_Dammit, don't argue with me Kaidan!" Abigail turns, her face flushed and marred with dirt and grime as she whirls on me, her hair coming to rest framing her beautiful face. _

_I brace myself against James, a wheezing breath escaping me as I shake my head, too stubborn to let her go. "Don't leave me behind." I beg the familiarity of this moment all too real. I have lost her before; I cannot go through that again. _

_She smiles, but there is pain in her eyes as she comes to me, touching my face with her hand. "No matter what happens," She says, tears spilling over her lashes "Know that I love you always." She presses her lips against mine; bittersweet and I feel panic flutter into my chest. _

_This is a goodbye kiss. _

"_I love you." I say, and she smiles, her eyes shining as she steps backwards down the ramp. Behind her there is an inhuman roar, so loud I grit my teeth until my jaw aches, and above a Reaper emerges from the roiling black clouds in the sky. I reach for her, if only to keep her with me – we could get on the Normandy together, be miles away from this and live out what time we had left – but she is already moving, waving a hand at me as she screams for us to go, running back into the thick of the fighting. _

"What about Shepard?"

I frown, this voice is male, familiar. And near.

I force my eyes open, the migraine is gone but I still squint against the light as I pull myself to sit up. I'm still in my armour, spattered with blood and dirt as I take in the medical bay. Cortez is by the Comm speaker, his expression grave as he glances to me.

"We're leaving." I hear Joker say, and my heart stops in my chest.

"Where's Abigail?" I ask, my voice is raspy and thin, but Cortez hears me alright and he shakes his head.

"We're leaving now." Joker's voice confirms and I push myself out of bed.

Yeah, like that is gonna happen.

I have never flown a shuttle before. Well correction, I have never flown a shuttle in the middle of a war zone before – there was one time back in Alliance training when Joker and I had one too many and we thought it would be a swell idea to steal the CO's shuttle; but that did not end well. I'm hoping this time, sober, it might.

"Kaidan, you had better turn that shuttle around and get back here right now." Joker's voice sounds into the cockpit and I hesitate, punching the speed as I head straight for the Citadel.

I'm not leaving her behind, not this time. No matter what happens I can't live with that regret twice in a lifetime.

"I don't have a choice Joker." I say, banking left just in time to miss a collision with debris. The Reapers are winning; the blackness of space is bright with gunfire, glittering pieces of floating debris spinning in the light of the sun, and Earth – standing solitary, her surface glinting with explosions.

"Kaidan, you can't fly a shuttle." Joker complains and I smile, laughing breathlessly as I accelerate once more, the curve of the Citadel arm filling my view.

"I could give you a run for your money flyboy." I smile, I can see where the Crucible weapon is docked, below there appears to be a room protected with a barrier of some kind; like the ones erected when there is hull breach and I aim directly for it. With any luck I should pass through and not crash headlong into it.

"Kai…" His voice is hesitant, worried and I close my eyes.

"I have to Joker." I say "I can't lose her again." With that I tip the stick forward, plunging toward that force field on the Citadel. The whole shuttle begins to shake and rock as I grow closer, but I hold the line steadily. I can see light; artificial and hope springs inside me.

The shuttle passes through the barrier, and I draw the stick back to land, but it jams – stuck fast and I have no time to pull up. The floor rushes to meet me and I close my eyes, bracing for impact.

I awake in blackness, and at first I think I cannot breathe. Choking I wrench forward, spitting blood over the console of the shuttle. It sparks and flickers, but is ruined. Unsteadily I pull myself to my feet, moving to the door of the shuttle and pressing against it. It is jammed shut and I groan, wiping my mouth with my hand. I can smell blood and know that I need light to assess my wounds.

Taking a step back I raise a leg, bringing it against the door with force. Once; twice and on the third kick it gives way and I fall, gracelessly onto a stone floor below me. Pressing my back against the cool stone I breathe, filling my lungs with air as I frown up at the wrecked shuttle. It has crashed at an angle into what appears to be some kind of pillar, suspending it just above the ground upside down. I wince, pushing myself to sit as I survey the area.

The room is round, like one of those glass domes you trade at Christmas time. I have the sensation that if they were to tip me upside down and back again it would start to snow. There is a body, I can

see a hand just behind the wreckage of my shuttle and carefully I get to my feet, staggering a little as I lean against the body of the vehicle, slipping around it to keep my balance.

The Illusive man is dead; lying spread-eagled on the stone floor in a pool of darkened blood; a gun by his hand. Beyond that Admiral Anderson is slumped to the side, his knees drawn to him. I move toward him, pain shooting up from my ankle as I let go unsteadily of the shuttle. I'm halfway there when I see the pool of congealed blood he is sitting in; the fact that his wounds are no longer bleeding, and with a sinking certainty I realise he's already dead. My eyes prick with tears and I bite them back, a dark shadow catching my attention.

It's Abigail.

She's lying face down, inches from a console, her hand stretched out in front of her.

"Abby!" I cry, but she doesn't move, doesn't even seem to hear me. I move to her, gritting my teeth against the pain as I drop beside her, sweeping her hair back from her face. Her armour is ruined, and she is injured badly – blood has pooled beneath her, one half of her face red and slick with it as I pull her into my arms and rock her there.

I feel hot tears course as I press my forehead to hers, begging her silently to open her eyes. A pain the likes I have never felt comes over me and I can feel the tingle of my biotics as slowly I lose control of my emotions. I curl into her, pressing my lips to her temple.

"You promised me." I whisper, my voice cracking in the silence.

Beyond there is a rumble, an explosion, and I glance upward for a source. The whole foundation begins to rock and I swallow, glancing with longing back to the shuttle – but there is no way that thing is moving. I look back on Abigail, lying still and lifeless in my arms and she is smiling faintly.

I press my lips to hers, willing life back into her. Her mouth is incredibly cold, and her lips shift underneath mine, startling me.

"We did it." She whispers against my mouth.

And then everything explodes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 2**  
Author:** DinkyMew**  
Game:** Mass Effect 3+**  
Disclaimer:** Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware**  
Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

Through some kind of miracle, or blind luck I am still alive.

I wake in a room thundering with noise of people – shouting and screaming, crying – the wails of the injured and the dying reaching a cacophony of sound that pushes on my eardrums as my eyes flicker open.

The scene is chaotic, doctors are scrambling over patients left lying on sheets on the floor – the waxy green flooring is slick with blood and I gag as the smell of corrupted flesh and death reaches me. Slowly I push myself to sit, examining my body as though it belonged to someone else. I have no armour on, only my tank top and some hospital issue trousers, the kind that look like pyjamas – blue with white stripes.

I touch a hand to my head gingerly, the majority of my injuries appear to have been dealt with. With everything considered I feel great and then I remember where I was. The Citadel. Admiral Anderson. Abigail.

I push myself off the bed, bare feet touching the sticky floor beneath me as I pick my way through the patients lying here there and everywhere. Hands reach out to me and I steel myself; seeing this much suffering causes me great pain but I have to know what happened. I have to know what happened to her when I closed my eyes.

The corridors are as bad as the rooms; swarming with injured patients, but there is a clear walkway for wheeling gurneys. I pause in the doorway, gripping the frame as my legs wobble beneath me. Where the hell am I?

A white coat breezes under my vision and I grab for it, my fist wrapping around the fabric I pull the wearer toward me.

"Let go of me!" The man sputters, slapping at my hand and I release him now I have his attention. He smoothes his coat, looking closely at me, his thick eyebrows crashing together as he shakes his head.

"You're the crash patient they brought in." He says, his moustache bobbing over his top lip as he speaks "You shouldn't be out of bed yet sir."

"Where am I?" I ask, wiping my forehead with the palm of my hand.

"You're safe." He nods slowly, speaking to me as if I cannot understand him, enunciating each word carefully "You are at an Alliance space station in the Sol System; you were brought in by a scouting patrol who found you amongst some wreckage on the Citadel." He touches my shoulder and I swallow dreading the next sentence "It would appear your biotics somehow protected you – we're not sure how you survived to be honest, you were damn lucky."

"What… ah… what about the Reapers?" I ask, my head beginning to thump in time to the noise.

"The Reapers?" The doctor frowns "They were destroyed a few days ago, we're still cleaning up the mess – supply lines are still getting re-established, it's slow work. We're doing everything we can."

I swallow, my throat feels tight as I open my mouth to speak "Was I alone?" I ask and the doctor shakes his head.

"You were brought in alone if that is what you mean." He glances away from me, nodding to someone in the distance and then turning to me once more "Get back into bed, please, I will send someone to answer your questions just shortly."

I barely hear him as I sink back against the wall. It's happening all over again.

I've lost her.

As if in answer the doors to my right swing open and there is a buzz of noise as doctors stride past with a gurney between them, shouting at each other. My eyes are drawn to the movement, and I recognise the still form in the bed – it's Abigail!

I cry out, wrenching from the wall and running after the doctors as they swing the gurney into another room. I break through the double doors and they all pause to look up at me.

"She's been under that rubble for a while." I hear one say urgently, tapping furiously on his omnitool as it whirs and scans over her.

"Who are you?" The one nearest me barks, his skin is dark; brown eyes look me up and down and he frowns impatiently. A doctor pushes past us, shouting orders down the corridor.

"I'm … I know her." I say, trying to look past him, to _see _her, but he blocks my view with his shoulders.

"Family only." He says holding up a hand and shuffling me backwards. I consider telling him I am family; but I know now he would be unlikely to believe it. I think quickly, standing my ground and asserting as much authority as I can muster.

"I'm her husband." I say, then to make sure he understood me I add "She's my wife."

He looks at me dubiously and turns to his colleague who shrugs her shoulders.

"You know her?" He asks and I nod.

"You know her well?" I nod again and at last he relents.

"Get over here then." He says, gruffly moving around the gurney toward her head. She looks deathly pale and I pause, wondering if she is alive at all. "She needs blood." The doctor says, his voice crisp as he sticks a needle into her arm "You can give blood?" He asks, but I can tell he is not really interested in my answer.

"Absolutely." I breathe, "Whatever she needs." I move forward and he fixes me with dark eyes.

"Good lad." He nods, and his colleague steps toward me taking my arm and begins to feel at the inner elbow for a vein. She presses the needle into me and leads me to a stool where I am made to sit, close enough that I can reach out and touch Abigail's fingers. I draw her hand into mine, it's like ice.

"Is she going to be alright?" I ask, and neither will look me in the eye.

"There has been a complication." The dark skinned doctor says, connecting the transfer machine and flicking the switch; the room is filled with a whirring noise and I swallow, watching as my blood slowly creeps from my arm, down the clear tube into the machine and then along another tube into Abigail.

"What kind of complication?" I ask, fearful.

The doctor looks at me seriously, those doubts creeping back into his eyes once more. "She's carrying a baby." He says firmly.

I blink. My mind is blank.

Did he just say…?

"She's pregnant?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 2**  
Author:** DinkyMew**  
Game:** Mass Effect 3+**  
Disclaimer:** Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware**  
Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

"Don't you dare!" The warning stops me in my tracks and I freeze in the threshold of the kitchen, my eyes widening as I run over everything I have done in the past few hours trying to pinpoint where I went wrong. I can think of nothing.

My mother's back is to me, kneading the bread on the green kitchen countertop – pulling and stretching through its final turn before shaping for the tin. The kitchen smells wonderful, as it always does in my parents' house; like thyme and baking.

"I have just made those fruit buns, and I am expecting company. You touch them and I will end you sunshine. I know exactly what you are like Kaidan."

I release the breath I was holding in and smile, leaning against the doorframe and jerking the sleeves of my blue cotton jumper to my elbows. She glances over her shoulder to me, her face deadly serious, but there is a smile in her eyes that I do not miss.

She has grown older since I last seen her; the death of my father has changed her. Her dark hair pulled into a bun seems to have more grey in it; her posture a bit more defeated; but being back home in Vancouver, in this house seems to have lifted her spirits somewhat, and for that I am thankful.

The Alliance is still mending in the aftermath of the Reapers. We've had some mending to do ourselves here, luckily the house wasn't terribly damaged, probably because it is a coastal residence and quite apart from other property. Out on the English Bay the body of a Reaper lies dormant in the water still - all these months since the activation of the Crucible weapon killed them - like some floating, shored whale. I wonder if they plan on leaving it there, maybe commemorating it – a plaque would be cool.

That was four months ago now, and there have been huge steps taken to re-establish transport lines and communications. I wanted to be there, helping rebuild; but I was needed here, by my mom, by Abigail.

"What company?" I ask her and I spot the offending fruit buns, stacked on a cooling rack like a golden pyramid.

They look glorious.

"Just some ladies I met at the meeting last week." She says absently. I don't pry. I was the one that convinced her to go to the support group at the nearby church hall – it's pitted for survivors to talk through the events, about the people they lost and their hopes for the future. Since she started going she has at least been able to talk about dad.

I slip into the warmth of the kitchen, running my hand along the kitchen island as I survey the terrain for something to eat. As always it's pristine and gleaming.

"Are you and Abigail going out later?" She asks as I open the fridge door. The muted light inside blinks on and then the door is shut and my mother is beside me pushing an apple into my hand. I lament at the sight of the green fruit, but bite into it anyway.

"We'll be going for a walk later," I say "along the Bay, but we'll stay out of your hair." I promise "I still have to finish the painting in the nursery."

My mom turns back from her bread once more setting her dark eyes on me with a scowl "You can't have Abigail up there painting." She complains bitterly, dropping the dough into the prepared tin beside her "She'll be breathing in all those fumes – that poor baby has been through enough without you trying to gas it too."

She moves to the oven, bundling the tin inside and closing the door with a thump, wiping her hands with the tea towel tucked into her apron. "You could always set up a movie in the conservatory." She offers and I nod, we still haven't decided our plans for the evening. "Where is she?" My mother asks, gathering her utensils from the floured kitchen-top and depositing them in the sink.

"Having a sleep." I say, taking another bite of the apple "She says she feels a bit strange."

Mom stops, turning to look at me with a small smile "She feels strange?"

"Hey," I say, returning her smile with mirth "Between chees-o's, the chicken repulsion, the swollen feet and the midnight runs for mint ice cream – 'feeling strange' is the least of my worries."

She laughs, running the tap to fill the sink as she looks out the window over the bay. I see her face darken as her eyes fall on the Reaper, her mouth turn down in a grim set as she clears her throat.

"I was going to visit dad today." She says, and suddenly I can't swallow my apple. I choke it down, stifling a cough as I lean back against the kitchen island.

"Do you want me to come?"

I hope she says no. It's not that I didn't love my dad, or even that I don't miss him; but things were never quite right between us; we left things badly and now he's gone – I can never make that up to him. Being reminded of that is something I don't need right now.

"No." She says and I breathe a sigh of relief to myself, looking at my finished apple with disappointment. "You should stay here with Abby; she would have to wait in the car if she came and that's not a nice thing – no wheelchair access where your father is buried."

I toss the core in the trash and reposition the sleeves of my jumper to my elbows again.

"I'm going to go and check on her." I say and my mother nods absently, plunging her hands into the water to scrub the dishes clean. Her attention is taken and quietly I reach for one of those golden fruit buns, my fingers grazing the sugared surface, and I have it.

"Don't you dare."

I drop the cake and glance to her, she hasn't even turned around from what she is doing. With one long, last look at them I move out of the kitchen and back into the hallway.

My mother has been good enough to give us her old bedroom while she moved into mine by herself. She said we needed the space and I agree somewhat, Shepard's home was the Normandy and somehow on board the frigate I didn't realise how much _stuff_ she had in her cabin. That was until she was grounded and moved in here.

I pass the spare room first, pausing in the doorway to glance inside and admire my handiwork. The walls are painted a fresh green, stencilled lambs and ducks frolic along the border and all the baby items are stacked at the far end, under the window still packaged. The ceiling needs a new coat, but it looks good – if I do say so myself. I can feel the thrill of excitement flutter into my gut and it brings a smile to my face.

Our room is next to this one; which is ideal really. I knock softly – why I have no idea, habit I guess – and enter.

She's awake and sitting at the French doors on the far side of the room overlooking the ocean. Her back is to me, her long brown hair trailing down the back of her wheelchair.

"Hey you're up." I say, closing the door behind me gently.

"Couldn't sleep." She says, and her voice seems faraway, distant.

I move to her, I don't kneel beside her at first, instead I look out on the scenery she is admiring. The waves here crash against rocks, the white foam spraying in jets as the wind picks up.

"A storm is coming." She mumbles and I agree, outside the sky is overcast threatening rain.

"Maybe." I smile, glancing down at her. She looks to me, and I can see she has been crying; her cheeks pink and marred with tear tracks. I feel a stab of guilt in my stomach and squat beside her, taking her hand which is sitting motionless in her lap.

"Hey," I say and she turns her blue eyes from me again, turning her face away to hide her tears. I pull her face back, not forcefully but I want to help; however I can. "Abby," I whisper, "What is it?"

She looks at me, her eyes welling with fresh tears as her lip quivers involuntarily "I was only trying to open the door." She cries "But I can't; I can't get this stupid chair to move properly, it keeps getting stuck on the frame. What kind of mother am I going to be if I can't even move a wheelchair Kaidan? How am I going to do this?"

I take a deep breath.

I do not claim to be any expert on pregnancy, or the hormones it induces and their effect; but in my experience so far I know two things I must do now to avoid her flying into a fit of rage: I must wait until she finishes what she has to say, and above all I must not laugh and think it's funny.

But on some level it is.

This rush of emotional let-go is more fabricated by her fear than anything else. I know Abigail will make a fantastic mother; I know that like I know breathing. No question. But bringing a baby into the world has been difficult for her; not made any easier by the fact she is confined to a wheelchair due to the injuries she received after the Citadel.

A spinal is easily fixed, but not until the baby has been delivered; but I don't remind her that once the baby is born she will be on her feet again - I know from past experience that is of no help in this situation.

She hates being dependent; I understand that.

"It's ok." I say, when I am sure she is finished her outburst. I wipe away her tears tenderly and give her a warm smile "How about I get our coats and we go for a quick walk? I'm not sure we'll have the weather later…"

She returns my smile, holding my hand against her face with her own "I love you." She says and it stirs within me, my chest tightening as I press my lips to hers.

"I love you." I say, smoothing her hair as I get to my feet once more. I pull her chair back, opening one of the French doors for her and positioning her in the doorway so she can look outside, the wind from the sea catches her hair, blowing it behind her. I gather our coats from the hooks on the back of the bedroom door and turn to her.

"I was thinking we could curl up with a movie tonight." I say "Just the three of us."

"That would be nice." She says, her voice softened by the wind outside.

"Yeah," I say, and I mean every word of it "it would be." Pulling my jacket on I pull the zipper to my throat and grab Abigail's moving to her side once more to help her into it. She looks up at me, her eyes wide and shakes her head suddenly.

"What?" I ask, glancing outside, but the scenery remains unchanged. The sky is getting darker.

"Something is wrong." She says in a whisper and I have to bend to hear her, catching her words just and no more.

"Abby," I say calmly, trying to keep myself anchored as I lay a hand gently on our child inside her "What is wrong?" It's then I notice her sweatshirt is damp. I frown, looking to her rounded belly to see the red of her sweatshirt is a deep crimson toward the bottom where it is wet. Her jeans are also wet. I blink, looking back at her face and the colour there has drained completely.

She whispers the three words I have been both dreading and dreaming to hear.

"The baby's coming."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 2

**Author: **DinkyMew

**Game: **Mass Effect 3+

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware

**Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

It's too early.

I try to force that thought from my mind as I grab – anything, everything I can conceivably get my hands on – and ram it into the duffel bag gripped in my hand.

Outside the rain hammers against the window; I can hear the first peal of thunder in the distance and my insides groan – nothing is ever simple is it?

I open another drawer, grab at the clothes as my heart jack-rabbits into motion, thundering so fast I get a stabbing chest pain.

It's too early.

I'm no expert on procreation – but I know it takes nine months to cook a human being. Not seven. Seven is not enough. Seven is like the time I tried to cook Gingerbread Men and they came out still gooey in the middle.

Black spots float into my vision and shakily I sit on the edge of the bed; I need a moment, just a moment to catch my breath – to get my head in gear.

I'm going to be a daddy.

I suck in air as I feel that flutter of excitement low in my gut. I can't get a grip and my hands are shaking so badly I drop the duffel bag to the floor.

"KAIDAN!" My mom screams up the stairs and I jump, literally off the bed, stirred into motion once more by the urgency in her tone "Get a move on!" She yells and I retrieve the bag, this time trying to be selective about what I take. What she needs. I try to clear my mind, to think about what I will need but nothing comes – I need everything and nothing all at once.

"Kaidan?" The voice is Liara's and I stop what I am doing, looking up to see her in the doorway.

She's dressed in an oversized cream cardigan and navy leggings, long brown boots reaching just below her knees. "Do you need some help?" She asks and I move my shoulders.

I actually have no idea what she just said.

She smiles, coming to me and taking the bag from my hands, checking the contents with a woman's efficiency. I had forgotten Abigail had asked for Liara to be there. Awkward.

I used to get on pretty well with Liara, in the beginning I mean, before… well before the 'misunderstanding'. We used to spend hours together reading and compiling theories – she had an

amazing knowledge of other species, and a gentle nature to her that I appreciated when I needed some practical advice. I suppose we could have been good friends had things gone differently, but boy – could that Asari hold a grudge?

But she is Abigail's best friend, so I have to make nice, I have to behave and smile and ignore her icy exterior toward me. I don't blame her really; had things turned out differently I could be her. But a guy, and not so blue.

"_But…I didn't say that to her!" Abigail wails, looking at me with wide eyes, shaking her head as if to emphasise her point. _

_I raise my hands to my chest in surrender, shooting the messenger is never good. I only wanted to warn her about the rumours circulating about her and Liara; well that is a lie – I was really hoping she would turn to me and tell me it wasn't true, tell me that it was absurd – then I could maybe get some sleep. _

"_Hey, it's none of my business Shepard." I say, feeling my stomach drop to the floor in disappointment _

"_Commander." I add quickly, but she is too worked up to notice the indiscretion. _

_Grabbing my arm she swings me toward the lockers, leaning into me conspiring. _

"_No," she says quietly, her face flushed as she shakes her head "I want to know what she actually said, not the rumours." _

_I swallow; I don't want to tell her what Liara told me – I don't want her to know I was asking about her. That I can't get her out of my head – that thinking she was with someone else near killed me. _

"_Well," I wet my lips, lost momentarily in her eyes – flecks of silver shine through the blue and I resist the urge to touch her face, shaking myself to sense I clear my throat "she said that you two had been getting close that is all." I say quietly "That when she asked you if the feeling was mutual… you agreed." _

_Her brow creases as she processes my words, that little crinkle appears between her eyes and I have to catch my breath; watching her intently as a mix of emotions travel across the perfect planes of her face. She sucks in a breath, her eyes widening as her mouth makes a little 'o' shape of understanding. _

"_Oh no!" She groans, turning her face from me, pressing her hands to the lockers and burying her face against the steel door. She shakes her head, and I smile, intrigued by the reaction. _

"_Everything ok?" I ask and she shakes her head again. _

"_No." She breathes, and when she turns back to me her face is a deep crimson. She presses her back against the lockers, looking at her feet as her dark hair falls around her face. "Urgh, I know… I know what she is talking about." She nods and looks to me "I did say that to her, but… I was distracted – I was only half listening and thought she was talking about someone else, when she asked me if the feeling was mutual – I thought she was asking if we were interested in the same person… not…" she groans, running a hand back through her hair "I'm going to have to speak to her aren't I? What an idiot – no wonder she's been so weird lately." _

_I take this in slowly. My elation at the news she is not in love with Liara dulled to a low ache at the news she has feelings for someone. I swallow, my hands clammy as I grasp at courage. _

"_Well… who did you think she was talking about?" I ask, my mouth dry, I look away as I say it, making out it's no big deal – making out it's not a life and death question for me, that we're just two friends chatting – but I don't want to be her friend._

_Correction, I cannot be her friend. _

"_Oh…" She blinks, her face flushing with colour as she crinkles her nose "You know what – it doesn't matter. He doesn't… uh… he doesn't feel the same and he's a little out of my league." She smiles sheepishly at me, turning to go and I flounder for a reason for her to stay. _

"_Well do I know him?" I ask, it's a stupid, stupid question – I don't want to know the bastard – it will only cause me more sleepless nights but I can hear myself asking it anyway "Maybe I could put a good word in for you?"_

_Idiot. _

_She turns back to me, her face transforming into a radiant smile. I decide in that instant I don't care – whoever it is it doesn't matter it's not me. I would move the Earth itself to see her smile like that – and if that means love with someone else then so be it. _

"_Huh," She smiles, drawing her teeth over her bottom lip "Actually, I thought she was talking about you Alenko." _

"She'll need her toiletries." Liara says, and I blink drawn back to the present. She moves past me to the en-suite and I hesitate, the tension in this room palpable. She comes out with an armful of clutter – stuff I would never have thought to pack and I watch her push them into the bag one at a time.

"Liara," I hear myself say and she pauses looking to me "Thanks." I say and there is a ghost of a smile at the corners of her mouth as she gives me a nod of acknowledgment.

"Go and help your mother get her ready." She says turning back to the bag "I'll take care of this. You should be down there with her."

I take the stairs two at a time, almost tripping on the last one and steadying myself using the bannister before hurrying into the kitchen where Abigail is sat, in her wheelchair, tucked just under the kitchen island with a tall glass of water in front of her. My mother is sat on the floor in front of her, a hand on her rounded stomach. The silence is all encompassing, and I stand rigid, scared to breathe as I frown at the scene.

"What's happening?" I ask and my mother raises her dark eyes to me; a frown close behind. In her chair Abigail turns, looking over her shoulder, those intense blue eyes finding mine and she winces, her head snapping round as she grits her teeth, grunting through some kind of pain I can never hope to experience; doesn't mean I don't wish I could take it from her.

"There is definitely a pattern." My mother says, whether she is speaking to me or Abby I can't be sure.

I look at her as if she has lost her mind. Patterns? What the hell is she talking about patterns for? If the baby is coming the only thing I want to be talking about is getting to the hospital.

"Let's go." I say, and my mother scowls at me, her dark eyes blazing fire.

"Don't be such a dolt." She mutters and turns to Abigail "Do you want to go to the hospital now?" She asks her.

I throw my hands up, feeling panic sink into my chest. Does no one here understand there _is a baby coming_? It's not an option; it's not a question! We _have _to go to the hospital.

"Is the baby going to be alright?" She asks my mother, her voice quaking.

Mom sits back on the heels of her feet, looking to me for guidance on the question. I move, swinging to squat beside mom, in front of Abigail.

"The baby is going to be fine." I say firmly, I make my voice stone – I hide those doubts under a confident tone and I force the words out that anchor her "I'm not letting anything happen to the baby or to you. We're going to the hospital now, I know the weather is bad – I know you don't want us to go for a false alarm, but Abby, we're going."

I leave no doubt in the plan as I get to my feet again, taking the handles of her chair and reversing her back out into the hallway. My mother follows, fussing and muttering to herself.

"I'll be along shortly." She says, squeezing past me to open the door for us "I'll have to call Adrian to bring his car. You take mine." She frowns shaking her head "I knew we should have got that communication line fixed first."

Outside the sky has darkened and a storm whips the sea into frenzy. Here there is no shelter from the harsh wind blowing in from the water and I brace against it as it cuts through my cotton sweatshirt. I grit my teeth, pausing to kiss my mother's cheek before carefully manoeuvring the chair out the front door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 2

**Author: **DinkyMew **Game: **Mass Effect 3+

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware

**Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

The wind buffets the flightcar as we streak through the rain and lightning.

From my seat in the back of the car I can hardly see out the windscreen as the wipers flash back and forth, rain sluicing off the glass in rivulets.

"We're almost there I think!" Liara calls back to us, and I feel Abigail squeeze my fingers once more.

I turn my eyes back to her, her chin is tucked into her chest, her eyes crushed closed as she runs a hand around and around her belly. She sucks in a long, deep breath and groans, her grip on my hand tightening to the point I feel like taking it back. But I don't.

"Ok," She shudders, her dark hair is soaked through from the run to the car from the house, hanging in front of her face as she gulps for air "that was pretty sore."

"We're almost there." I repeat to her and she nods, shifting a little in the seat, trying to find a position where she is comfortable. "It's going to be alright." I add, giving her a smile I hope is encouraging "You're doing great honey."

She whimpers, burying her face in my shoulder and I lift my arm to wrap it around her, pulling her close. Her hand curls around my sweatshirt at my chest and I kiss the top of her head gently. I wonder if she can hear my heart as it skips and thuds against my ribcage. She groans again, her hand snatching to her stomach and I press mine there too, underneath hers.

I catch my breath, the normally malleable bump that houses our child is as hard as rock and it scares the heck outta me. I had heard the word contractions float around from my mother, but to actually _feel _one with her is something I feel completely unprepared for. It's wonderful and amazing and terrifying all at once, and I have to remind myself that she is in pain – that I shouldn't be mesmerised by something that is causing her so much discomfort, but I can't help it. I'm amazed by her.

The tightness eases off and within I can feel our baby stir – the movements making my lungs squeeze with excitement as I consider I may only be hours from holding my baby. She takes a shuddering breath, her eyes finding mine as she gives me a shaky, nervous smile – I love that smile; it's my fondest memory of Shepard.

_I crush my eyes shut as my head pulses and pushes blood against my skull. Nausea swims up from my stomach and I grind my teeth as it burns in my throat, threatening to force its way into my mouth. I roll onto my side, folding my arms over my chest as I draw my legs up. _

_Sickly yellows and reds twist behind my eyes and I groan, as the first sweats start to creep in on my forehead. A lance of pain shoots from the base of my skull and explodes between my eyes and I feel _

_myself curling in- unable to think, unable to breathe; teetering on the edge of an abyss as below me flames lick at my feet. _

_I suck in a breath, feeling like I've hit zero gravity, feeling like my head is growing and shrinking with each pulsating throb. I tense as it threatens to peak once more, gritting my teeth in preparation. _

_Cool fingers brush my forehead and I flinch, scooting back on the bed instinctively. I squint one eye open, hissing against the light and the pain it brings. I can't do it. I close them again, burying my face in my pillow. _

"_Kaidan?" A voice asks, gently, quietly. _

_I nod to let them know I have heard them, but my mouth won't move, my throat can't form words for me to speak. _

_I feel the mattress sink and a knee press in front of my waist as someone climbs in beside me. The bunks in the crew room are single sized so I have to shuffle back as a body presses to mine. _

"_I've turned the lights out." The voice whispers "There's only a lamp on at the far side of the room, you should be able to open your eyes now." _

_I try and the voice is right, opening my eyes to the darkened room relieves some of the pressure that was building behind my eyelids. Like opening a floodgate – the throbbing is still there, but it's not as intense. A cool hand touches my forehead, rakes cool fingers through my hair and I shiver involuntarily, looking at the source of my salvation. _

_Large eyes glitter in the dark, hooded with long, dark lashes. A mouth curves into a surreptitious smile, dark hair splayed out over the pillow. It's Shepard. It's Commander Shepard lying next to me with her hands in my hair. A rush of familiarity fills me as I remember our time spent in Vancouver, but we had sworn that it would be left there – that on board the Normandy it would be business as usual. _

_This is not good. Not the whole in the bed with me part – but in the crew room? Where anyone can just walk in? And in the middle of a migraine? Seriously?_

"_Sh-Shepard?" I ask, not because I am unsure it is her, but because I am almost certain I must be dreaming. _

"_I missed you at dinner." She whispers, her voice like silk "I knew something must be wrong if Alenko was missing a meal." _

_Despite myself I chuckle softly, and that hand in my hair slips behind my ear to my neck. I swallow and it sounds so loud in the tense silence, and I try to discreetly turn my hips from her; the heat and the closeness has led me into a rather compromised position, and suddenly it's not just throbbing blood in my head I'm worrying about. _

"_Your hands are so cold." I whisper, in a vain attempt to change or ignore the current situation, but she's not biting. _

"_You've been avoiding me I fear Lieutenant." She says, and she's right._

_Ever since the revelations in Vancouver I've been bending over backwards to avoid her. Not because I want to – not really – but because I don't want to jeopardise her career on charges of fraternisation; I'm not worth it, not at all. _

"_I didn't want to muddy things." I say stiffly, her hands traces little circles on the back of my neck and I can feel myself break out in a different sweat as I choke a breath into my lungs, fumbling and stupid "I was waiting to see if I got the promotion or not." _

_She smiles, her fingers sinking back into my hair, grazing my implant and raking over my scalp. Her smile ignites me and I crave her touch, her lips on mine. Her eyes look to me and I watch them helplessly and I know I was born to look into those eyes and know myself. I want to kiss her – to feel those soft lips on mine again and again. _

"_You think if you get the promotion you'll be able to stand up to Anderson?" She grins and I feel myself blush, the heat creeping across my face as I shake my head. _

"_No." I say, and my voice is thick and crackling in my throat "Then I could stand next to you." _

_Her smile fades as her eyes brighten with tears, she shakes her head at me "I've never known anyone like you." She breathes "You make it so easy to trust… but the minute you start to love… then you have something to lose." _

_I watch her carefully in the near darkness. I know her well enough to know she is thinking about Mindoir, about the people she lost there and everyone she has lost since; most recently Ashley. I know she is scared to take that hit, to make herself vulnerable; scared of getting hurt. _

_Scared of me. _

"_Then I guess I stand to lose everything." I whisper and it sounds clumsy but I want to try "Because I love you, Abigail Shepard. Those three words have my life in them." _

_Her face melts into another smile as she inches closer to me; so close the light from the lamp begins to fade but I can still see her; as though she is imprinted on my mind. I reach to her, my lips brushing hers ever so briefly and we both retreat a moment, unsure. The tempered heat of the moment is making my hands shake as I bring one to the side of her face; feeling soft, smooth skin. _

_She presses her mouth to mine, her lips soft and sweet and gentle, and all thought of migraines flees from my head – all thoughts in general flee from my head – as I bring an arm to her back, holding her close to me. _

_Her leg presses against mine, sliding between them and my breath catches in my throat as she presses her thigh up against my loins. All hope of hiding my predicament from her long gone. _

_Courage surges in me, as my blood begins to rush through my body and I press hungry kisses against her throat, feeling her flesh respond under my lips – her gasp for breath permission for me to go further and I slide a hand under her shirt; bracing against her back as the heat of her sends me soaring. _

"_Oh… Kaidan…" She whispers, her tone peppered with longing – the same longing I feel aching in my chest._

_From somewhere inside a voice screams at me, calling my senses back, clawing at the reality of this moment – the knowledge that if we were to be caught it would be the end of us – the end of everything. _

"_Abigail," I breathe "Abigail wait." I withdraw my hand, snatching hers from my hair and pressing it to her side. "Not like this –" it kills me, literally I can feel myself die inside as I utter the words "Not here." _

_She pauses, looking at me carefully before nodding her understanding. I hold onto her, for fear that if she moves I will lose her forever and draw her lips back to mine. _

"It's getting pretty sore." She groans beside me and I lean forward, squinting to see through the driving rain, but it is near impossible – how Liara can see is beyond me.

"We're almost there." She says again and I nod, turning to Abigail again in time to help her through the next contraction. This time her groan tapers into a scream and Liara glances back at us, her eyes wide with fear.

"Is she ok?" She asks urgently, and I shake my head as the scream peaks into a wail.

"I don't know."

Abigail is frantic, her hands clutching herself and I hold her, try to press my strength to her, whatever I can give her – whatever she needs – and before my eyes I see the crotch of her jeans grow dark.

In the dim light of the car I'm not sure what it is as it spreads over her thighs. I touch a hand there, casually, so as not to alert her and draw my fingers round.

They are slick and red with blood.

"Liara…"I gasp, breathlessly "Are we there yet?"

The wind rocks the car again and I grab the head-rest of the driver's seat to steady myself. In the front of the car Liara is struggling with the steering, pulling the wheel this way and that as she tries to gain control of the car. The motion throws me one way, then another and I reach forward in an attempt to help. Out of the windscreen the sheets of rain part suddenly and I cry out as I see the ground rushing to meet us.

Then all is black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 6

**Author: **DinkyMew

**Game: **Mass Effect 3+

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware

**Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

_Shepard… you make me feel… human. _

"_LT – you trying to steal my spotlight?" _

_The voice is faraway, faint and I open my eyes with the familiarity, hoping to see a face but there is nothing, nothing but a void of greyness. I extend my hand, thinking it will be like fog, but it's not – my hand is clear in front of my face. _

"_You should get up Alenko." The voice says "Always sleeping on the job." _

"_Ashley?" I ask, still at this juncture unsure; am I dead? _

"_Not yet." The voice can read my mind, brilliant. I get those visions, the kind you never should but automatically do think the moment someone can hear your thoughts. There is a soft chuckle and I feel heat creep up my neck, the sensation strange compared to the nothingness I feel elsewhere. _

_A hand touches my shoulder, from behind, and I should be afraid; I should be startled but I'm not. I feel oddly at peace. Ashley rounds my shoulder, and when I raise my eyes she is there in front of me. _

_Her hair is down, like she used to wear it when we frequented Flux back on the Citadel, her dark eyes are serious as she comes to face me. _

"_What the hell are you playing at LT?" She asks. _

"_Actually… I'm a Spectre…" I mumble and she breaks into a smile _

"_You will always be LT to me." She teases, pushing my shoulder playfully and I feel a stab of pain, like guilt, swell in my throat. _

_I don't take stock in dreams – if that is what this is – I'm not the kind of guy who goes to find a 5 credit psychic to come to terms with the decisions I have made in my life; but of all the decisions, of all the regrets Ashley is the apex. My Everest. _

_I think I might be dead. I think that is what this is, she turns her head looking off into the grey distance, into nothing – or perhaps to somewhere I cannot follow. I think I might be dead and Ashley is here to bring my soul to hell. When she turns back to me her eyes are dark, warning, and I swallow. _

_I'm not ready to go, I beg, not now, not like this – Abigail needs me – our baby needs me, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. _

"_Keep your eye on the skyline." She whispers "They're coming." _

_I frown, feeling my face sting as I do "Who's coming?" _

"_You have to go LT," She says "Shepard needs you." _

I feel wind on my face – cold and biting, the kind you hiss at when you first step into it. The kind that makes you want to stay at home. I wish I had stayed at home.

I open my eyes, gingerly, as the aches and pains come flooding back to my body with my consciousness. I can see the ceiling interior of the flightcar – undamaged, red shadows dancing over the panels as the distress light flashes on and off transmitting our position to the nearest hospital.

I suck in a breath, ragged and catching on my throat, gripping my ribcage as a wracking cough overcomes me and with each jagged movement a lance of pain shoots through my chest. I can taste blood.

Gingerly, I push myself to sit – I am half out of the car, my legs in the grass are numb and I feel panic sweep through me. The door to the flightcar has been damaged and bent overhead, sheltering me from the driving rain but not from the icy wind as it whips around the wreckage.

I call for Abigail, but my voice is strained, paper thin and is swallowed up by the wind instantly.

I lock gazes with my feet – the numbness is absolute, and I feel my eyes prick with tears at my own helplessness. Slowly, and with great effort, I draw one leg to myself, then the other; relief causing those tears to spill over the edges of my eyes. I can move.

My jeans are soaked through, dappled with blood, and torn at one knees where glass has shorn through the material. I grip the doorframe, my hand slipping on the wet panel, and I dig my nails in pulling myself to my feet. A wave of nausea sweeps up from my guts and I lean against the wreck a moment as my vision fades to black then comes back again – like a momentary power cut – like the lights flickering in a storm.

The car is destroyed; the bonnet crushed completely where it impacted the ground. There isn't a single window left and shards of glass are scattered along the grass verge. My side of the car is the worst – having taken most of the impact when we crashed – the car had tilted in my direction, ripping the door from its side and removing most of the outer panelling to reveal the mechanics underneath. The emergency systems have activated however and the fuel canisters and other flammable tech are sealed to prevent dangerous explosions.

I push a hand to my ribs, which feel like they are about to break off and drop to my feet, noticing that my sweatshirt is dyed a deep red with my blood. I don't care. I can walk, just, and if I can walk then I have to find Abigail.

I try to walk straight, but my legs are failing me, numb and incoherent as though I am drunk, the wobbly and slip beneath me as I round the back of the car – looking back the way the car has come, where the trail of debris shows our descent to the Earth. I slip, slamming my hand into the back of the car to steady myself, it's surprisingly undamaged in comparison – the tail lights casting a muted glow through the driving rain.

That's when I hear it. Faint against the roar of the wind and pound of the rain I can hear muffled groans – cries. I move around the back of the car, a little quicker – spurred on by the imminent discovery of life; by the hope and the shock and the unbelievable luck that someone else has survived.

With her back to the car Abigail sits, the rain battering her as Liara works over her, touching her arm, her rounded stomach, her forehead. Her hair hangs in her face, which is scrunched in pain, red from effort – a long shallow scratch over her forehead had seeped tears of blood down her face.

Liara looks unharmed, moving with speed to assess the baby and Shepard.

"Liara." I rasp, and they both look round to me, Shepard's face lighting up as she sees me there, the rain between us making it hard to see her right. She smiles, the first real smile all night, and reaches a shaking hand toward me.

I move to her, as though commanded – as though we are back on the Normandy once more where she was always in charge; my Commander. My Love. My fingers entwine with hers and I drop to my knees, leaning my body toward her to try and protect her some from the slicing wind.

"This baby is coming." Liara says, she looks at me with large, firm blue eyes "It's coming now."

I shake my head, the baby can't come now. Not here. Not like this. This wasn't how we planned it. This wasn't how we wanted it to happen.

"Kaidan…" Shepard groans beside me, letting go of my hand sharply as she grips her belly with both of hers and screams her contraction into the night. I feel my vision fade again, shaking my head against the encroaching blackness, refusing to go like this. Not now.

"Let's get her into the car." I grit, pushing my back against the wreck in order to get myself to my feet. My chest flames with rage as my ribs grate together where they have broken, bone on bone almost bringing me back to my knees.

"In the car." I pant again, and Liara obliges, taking Shepard's arm and attempting to pull her forward so she can jimmy the door open behind her. Holding my breath against the pain, if I don't breathe maybe I won't feel it, I move her aside, bending to lift Shepard from the grass where she sits. Her arms snake around my neck and she buries her face against my neck away from the rain and wind as I walk as carefully as I can back the way I had come. I force myself to focus, gathering whatever strength I can from my biotics to keep me going.

I set her down on the back seat – and she scoots back, the momentary relief of knowing she has no serious injuries overshadowed by the amount of blood I see has stained her jeans. Liara appears behind me, a blanket clutched to her chest that she has wrested from the boot of the flightcar.

"Here!" She says, handing it over my shoulder. I hand it awkwardly to Abigail; her face is pink from exertion and the bitter cold. I help place the blanket, to protect her modesty while she wriggles from her jeans knowing with certainty the baby cannot be born here; that if the paramedics do not arrive soon I will be helpless to protect my child. I feel a useless pervading panic grip me round the throat as I back out the car once more, back into the drilling rain and turn to face Liara.

She looks at me and I can see in her face she thinks the same thing.

"Liara…" I start and she holds up a hand to silence me.

"We didn't come this far to lose the baby now." She says firmly and I nod. This is not the time for despair. "You know how to deliver a baby don't you?" She adds and I can't breathe. Mutely I shake my head as a gargle of words push behind my teeth.

"I can't deliver a baby!" I screech, my voice giving way through the sentence.

"Well I can't!" Liara barks "You're the only one with medical experience Kaidan."

"But you're a doctor." I complain.

She gives me a withering glare "I have a doctorate, that doesn't mean I AM a doctor." She huffs.

I shake my head "Please Liara, I'm begging you – I wouldn't even know where to start."

She looks at me and I can see her milling the decision over in her head, can see the anguish written over her face about delivering a baby that I've created with Shepard into the world knowing full well it could have been her in different circumstances. She takes a breath, pushing a hand to her ribs as she winces and finally nods.

"There was a foil blanket in the boot," She says "Get it, and then go round the other side and get in behind Shepard."

I do as I am told, thankful to have some direction to focus me. The boot is undamaged, the back end of the car receiving minimal impact and I pop it open easily, my feet slipping beneath me as I rummage inside for the blanket. I grab it and spot a first aid kit and grab that too, bundling them under my arm I slam the boot closed once more and hurry to the other side of the car, where Shepard's back is pressed against the door.

"Scoot toward Liara." I shout over the wind through the broken car window and she nods, bringing herself forward a little. Liara is on her knees at the other side, yanking the blanket off of Shepard's spread legs she lays it on the seats instead.

"I can't see a thing!" She shouts as I kneel behind Abigail. She lays back, her head on my chest, her breath coming heavy and fast; her face flushed and pink.

I thrust the first aid box and blanket toward Liara and she snatches them from me, pushing them onto the floor. There is a flashlight in the box and she cries in triumph lifting the small bulb and clipping it to the broken panel of the door.

The light allows me to see the extent of the damage and I realise instantly we are lucky to have gotten away with our lives. The car is a wreck. The wind is coming along the back of the car, and Shepard and I are fairly sheltered on this side, but Liara feels the full force of it where she is sitting, grinding her teeth and reaching forward to inspect the progress of the labour.

She looks to me, her eyes hard "I think it's time to push." She shouts and I nod catching Shepard's hands over her shoulders.

"Come on honey," I whisper "We put that baby in there, now it's up to us to get it out again."

Pressed against me, her back to my front, I can feel her shake as a soft chuckle reverberates through her body. She grips my hands suddenly, her head going forward into her chest as she pushes for the first time.

"Oh my god." Liara says from the front and I look worriedly in her direction, but she's not looking at me, she's intent on what she is doing. I can't think straight, I don't know what to say – the grip loosens a little and I rub her fingers, hoping it's encouraging.

"You're doing great." I tell her, and my eyes well with tears, I want the baby to be ok. I want Abigail to be ok. I want to be useful; I want to _do _something.

She bucks forward again, and I give a little pressure back as she grips my hand, her grunt tapering into a scream this time as she raises her head to the heavens – her back arching out away from me.

"That was good!" Liara calls "The baby is almost here. You have to keep pushing Shepard."

Almost immediately as I feel her fingers slacken the grip tightens again and I glance down at that bump – the home my child has been living in for the last seven months – and between Shepard's legs I can see something small and round and black and wet. I frown, everything else suddenly dropping into slow motion as I stare dumbfounded at my child being born into the world.

"The baby has hair." I say, almost without consciousness and Liara laughs, hysterical from the events.

"Thick black, curly hair!" She says, and I can see there are tears streaming down her face.

Shepard gives another push, and I hold her to me this time, pressing my lips to her temple, I can taste the sweat of her exertion, I can feel the raw power in her and I crush my eyes shut, knowing that as long as I live I will never love another woman.

"It's a girl!" Liara calls up to us and I open my eyes to see a still form on the foil blanket.

"Is she ok?" Abigail wails, sitting forward and I hold her back, allowing Liara the space to look at the baby, but Shepard is having none of it. Plucking the blanket and baby she cradles both to her. Hidden by the shiny fabric I can see a little pink hand covered in white creamy fluid, and the tip of a little pink nose.

"She's not crying!" Abigail screams, and I feel my heart begin to sink as my mind races to keep up with my emotions.

"We need to cut the cord." Liara says, rummaging through the box and retrieving a pair of scissors. I see her sever the lifeline from Abigail to the baby and close my eyes, praying it's not too soon.

Then she cries.

A wail to rival the thunder itself outside, but far more precious and wonderful fills the car and I feel tears course down my face as I lean forward to get a better look. The baby is all arms and legs, wriggling in the blanket – her little chest pumping up and down with each angry breath as she screams into the alien world for the first time.

Liara pushes back, looking away into the rain, and then comes back to us.

"The air ambulance is here." She says, and I feel my stomach flip flop with relief.

Shepard gently rocks the baby in her arms, shushing her and I swell with pride as I look down on our creation.

"I want to call her Ashley." She says her voice raw and croaky from screaming.

"Ashley." I nod, kissing the top of her head "I like that."


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Part 6 (2)

**Author: **DinkyMew

**Game: **Mass Effect 3+

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns all Mass Effect content, characters and world – the character of Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware

**Pairings: **Kaidan Alenko and Abigail Shepard (F)

She's perfect.

I count the tiny fingers, curled into little fists – the backs of her hands resting so lightly on the mattress below her they don't even make a wrinkle on the sheet. My breath is fogging up the glass of the incubator, and I pause to wipe it clear once more.

One hour on a respirator and now she is strong enough to breathe on her own; that's my girl – my little fighter. She's strong, just like her mommy.

Her chest rabbits up and down with her breathing, the skin still pink and tender and wrinkled in every conceivable crevice of her tiny body. Much of the white fluid has been cleaned off her; patches still persist here and there at the junctures of her limbs.

Her eyes are closed, long lashes resting on her little cheeks and she purses her lips – her hands twitching as she stretches inside the glass container, one arm raising to pump the air, before rubbing at her face. Her mouth opens instinctively at the graze of flesh and she sucks hungrily on her little fist, little cries of disappointment escaping from the corners of her mouth as no sustenance is released.

"Would you like to feed her?"

The voice makes me flinch, and I wince, grabbing my broken ribs as I glance over my shoulder to see a nurse on approach – apparently summoned by Ashley's crying. In her hand she is carrying the tiniest bottle of milk I have ever seen.

"Sorry?" I ask, bracing myself as I sit on the seat beside the incubator, my ribs groaning with relief as pressure is eased off them.

"Would you like to feed her?" The nurse asks again this time with a jovial smile "We like to encourage the parents to be hands-on from the start, and she's strong enough to be held – not for long mind, but you can hold her to feed her."

My chest flutters in anticipation and my eyes obviously betray my emotions because the nurse lets out a chuckle, unclipping the lock on the incubator and lifting my precious bundle into her arms, one hand behind her head, the other under the nappy supporting her bottom.

She lays her in my arms and for an instant my head is blank.

She is so tiny, barely sitting lengths with my forearm, and her little hands grasp and claw at air – fingers that seem too long in comparison stretch toward my face aimlessly and her mouth opens, as though expressing an opinion on being lifted from the comfort and warmth of her bed, but instead of a cry a small sigh escapes, one that I cannot help but smile at in its perfection.

Her eyes open; the small lids blinking once, twice as she takes her first real look at this world we have brought her into.

They are the purest of blue; the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen in my life, and her little brow creases as she takes in my shadow, her mouth rounded into a little 'o' shape, her tongue flicking against her bottom lip.

The nurse hands me the tiny bottle, I feel awkward and clumsy with such large hands but the nurse takes her time, adjusting my arm to support Ashley right, helping me position the bottle for her, showing me how to feed her properly.

"We have a few more bottles of breast milk stored." The nurse informs me politely "By then we are hoping Mrs Alenko will be up for feeding herself; she's had an awful time of it – hasn't she?"

I'm too engrossed in the suckling baby to correct the nurse on Shepard's name – we're not married yet, as much as it grieves me, but things like that suddenly seem petty when I look at my little girl in my arms.

"The operation went well though." The nurse adds, "She should be back on her feet in no time with some physio." She prattles on a little more, about the weather, about the staff and eventually she excuses herself and leaves me alone with Ashley, a feeling that both makes me swell with pride and love and terrifies me all at once.

She pulls on the bottle with amazing strength for such a small creature and it brings a smile to me as I watch her. She watches me, her eyes not quite focused yet, wander over the shadow of my face and I clear my throat quietly, smiling at her.

"Hey there you are." I whisper and she pauses in her suckling, the sound of my voice halting her as she blinks at my shape "I'm your daddy." I say quietly, and my eyes fill with tears suddenly

"I'm your daddy."

"Kaidan?" The voice is Abigail's and I raise my eyes to see her slowly sitting up in bed. There is bruising down her shoulder, disappearing under the hospital gown she is wearing, and her long hair is matted and wavy as it drops down her back onto the pillow behind her. She rubs her face, stifling a yawn and I am compelled to rush to her. But I don't, I move slowly, carefully, keeping the bottle steady as I get to my feet. I ignore the angry howl of my ribs as I walk to Shepard's bed, perching on the edge.

"You're awake." I smile, leaning into her I press my lips to hers; relief and happiness that we're alright – that we're all alright – flooding through me. Her hands come to my face, cool and soft as she kisses me back, our baby tucked between us gives a wriggle – sensing the presence of her mother no doubt, and I pull back a little, gazing down on the tiny life we created.

I give her over to Abigail reluctantly and she cuddles her close, cooing and speaking to the baby softly as she drops one shoulder of her gown to feed the baby.

I thought it would be strange, the whole breastfeeding thing. I honestly didn't know how I would react to it; I'm a pretty open minded guy, but having spent as long as I have mooning over Shepard's breasts, having to share them suddenly with someone at first didn't seem like a positive.

Not at all.

But I find as I watch them together, my mind has been pleasantly changed on this matter. It is perhaps, one of the most natural and beautiful things I have ever seen.

I move to sit beside her, her back leaning into my chest as she feeds the baby and I kiss her hair, content for the first time in a long time.

"I can feel my toes." She smiles, turning her face to mine, and her eyes are bright with tears "I can feel my toes Kaidan." She breathes.

"Fantastic," I reply, mild humour creeping into my tone "Now you have no excuse for getting them on my side of the bed." She kisses me, and my thoughts vanish momentarily.

"Oh Kaidan," She smiles "We're finally together – all together. I can't believe it."

I nod, she's right, "I just need to get you down the aisle now Commander." I smile and she nudges me with her elbow, playfully.

"All in good time Alenko." She grins "All in good time."


	8. Chapter 8

Title: The Miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Chapter One  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware own all content and characters relating to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware.  
Characters Featured: Kaidan Alenko (M); Abigail Shepard (F); Ashley Alenko (F)

A scream; shrill and uninhibited echoes through the corridors of the house and my eyes snap open in response.

But this is not a scream on some faraway battlefield , I have no weapon in my hand, no armour on my back; beneath me is a soft mattress, not some hard earth of some far off planet. My head spins as I come crashing back to reality from the foggy dreamlike post sleep haze.

"DADDY!" I hear her voice; like a million bells tolling at once and before I can react tiny feet barrel over the bed, careening over my body snug still inside my duvet, her feet pressing into every place I wish they wouldn't. She loses her balance half way up my back, her legs kicking out as she crashes against my shoulders, tiny hands grappling at the duvet, at my hair as she frantically kicks her way up the bed and wriggles under the covers beside me.

She smells of spring; her dark curls splayed over the pillow as she giggles uncontrollably beside me. She peers up from where she is curled under my arm, large blue eyes bright and sparkling with delight.

"Morning princess." I mumble, clearing my throat from sleep "What's happening?"

Ashley gasps – the way only little kids can when they are incredibly excited about something so mundane – and flips onto her front, supporting herself on grazed elbows as she smiles openly at me. Her two top teeth are missing, the little white replacements just budding in her gums.

"Mummy's coming to wake you up!" She whispers loudly, her words spilling out in that haphazard rush she gets when something is all too exciting to talk about "I'm pretending she's a ripper – and I'm a soldier like you daddy!"

"Really?" I ask her, feigning excitement and her grin widens as she nods emphatically at me. "You remember mummy is a soldier too, right?" I prompt and watch as her little forehead creases in a frown, her full lips parting as she shakes her head.

"Mummy's too fat to be a soldier." She says.

"I heard that!" If sleep had any claws still in me they retract immediately at the sound of Abigail's voice – the familiarity of it warming me even before I tip the duvet back to see her standing in the doorway. She looks amazing, my goddess, unchanged by time and circumstance alike – she looks at me, the sunlight coming through the bedroom window catching the blue in her eyes.

I hold my breath, running my eyes over her; she's dressed in loose jeans and has squeezed into one of her Alliance t-shirts, the fabric stretched over the slight swell of her stomach. Her dark hair is long again, pulled back off her face and secured in a spider clip at the back of her head.

She moves into the room, the light seeming to follow her as she sits on the edge of the bed and leans toward me. I close the space between us, kissing her gently.

"Good morning, Mrs Alenko." I purr and she shakes her head, her eyes sliding form mine to the little girl lying beside me.

"We're going to be late." She scolds lightly, and I shake my head, pressing a hand to the gentle rise of our baby inside her.

"We're not going to be late." I complain, dipping my head to kiss her bump "The doctors will wait."

She looks away from me to the window, her smile faltering as her thoughts sweep over memories. I know her well enough I can almost read what she is thinking, as though it were written on the lines above her nose as her forehead creases, in the darkening clouds in her eyes as she draws her teeth over her bottom lip.

"It's going to be fine." I say to her, taking her hand in mine and squeezing a little. She nods, almost immediately her face brightening, but I know it is forced now. A front, to hide the terror underneath.

"I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready." She says "Maybe _you_ can convince her to get her shoes on."

I watch her go, the same fear sliding over me like a cool breeze, making me break into gooseflesh. I push the thoughts from my mind, turning to face Ashley who is watching me expectantly.

"Shoes." I say and she makes a huffing noise, long legs pumping in a circle as she kicks the duvet back. I watch her as she sits up, bouncing once, twice, thrice along the bed until she reaches the end, slipping onto the floor and sullenly walking from the bedroom. "I'll buy you an ice cream!" I call after her, and after a beat I hear her high pitched giggle once more.

-xx—O—xx-

I press my hands to my knees, only to steady them, as my feet bounce on the beige carpet of the antenatal clinic. Beside me Shepard sits like a statue, her eyes fixed on the wall ahead plastered with posters about feeding and caring for babies. I want to take her hand and tell her everything is going to be alright, to hold her against me and promise her this time things are going to be fine – but the words are stuck in my throat, wedged behind the terror that has built there, sitting like some sour stone.

The truth is I am terrified. The truth is I'm not sure I can lose a fourth baby.

But I'm not meant to say that. I'm supposed to smile and be strong and tell her we can try again; tell her that no matter what happens we have Ashley and we have each other and that is all that matters. But when I look into her eyes I know my words are as useful as-

"Mrs Alenko." The nurse calls, her head peeking from behind a door.

I swallow, my nails biting into my knees as I get to my feet slowly. Abigail rises beside me, incredibly pale suddenly and I take her hand, the sense of touch between us like a spark that wakes her. Her fingers slide into the spaces between mine and dig deep into the back of my hand.

Once inside the small examination room the nurse flusters around us. It's the same nurse we've had with previous pregnancies, and I can tell as she busies herself with prepping the bed and the gowns she is as nervous as we are. She's sat through the three other babies, the crushing, heart breaking news that there were no heartbeats.

Shepard slips on the gown, wriggling out of her jeans, and I take the 'dad' seat, the plastic chair by the bed and watch her as she fusses over the ties on the gown. Her hands are shaking, I can see it as she pulls the ties and without really thinking I get to my feet, taking her hands in mine gently to still them.

She looks at me and her eyes are full of tears, I make to say something but I know my own are a mirror image and instead kiss her gently. "It's going to be fine." I whispered against her mouth, and the noise of the door opening pulls us apart.

"Mrs Alenko." Doctor Nunan says offering his hand first to me and then to Shepard. Dr Nunan is perhaps the best obstetrician on Earth, recommended to us by Admiral Hackett after our first miscarriage he feels almost part of our family now, having borne the brunt of each heartache alongside us.

"How are you feeling?" He asks us both, his kind grey eyes holding Shepard's seriously as he waits for her to answer. He's an older man, probably in his late sixties by now, his hair thin but still dark on top of his head. His dark skin is shiny under the strip light and contrasts against the white of his coat.

"Scared." Abigail says honestly, avoiding my gaze as she speaks. "I just want this over with." She adds quietly. The doctor looks to me and I give him a small, tight smile.

"Well, I suppose we better have a look and see what's happening then." He says, gesturing to the bed. I help Abigail up and retake my seat, her hand in mine trembles and I press my fingers to her skin, rubbing in circles as Dr Nunan prepares the scan machine.

There is a palpable tension in the room as Nurse Andrea comes around the side of the doctor, she reaches for Abigail, lifting the alliance t-shirt gently to expose the gentle rise of her stomach. I close my eyes, press her fingers to my forehead as I focus on nothing but breathing.

"Ok." I hear doctor Nunan's voice, steady and warm as he makes some noises in his throat "Here's the baby."

At the mention of the baby I hold my breath, my heart seeming to stop alongside it, anticipation hot and heavy and urgent in the room.

There is a long silence, too long I realise, and I open my eyes to glance at the monitor. I can see the small form on the screen, curled in a foetal position, one tiny fist wedged into a mouth. There is no movement, there is no sound – the one I long to hear – that train-track drum of a heartbeat that I beg to come through the scanner, instead there is only silence.

Dr Nunan looks to me, then to Abigail and I know what he is going to say before he has even formed the words to use.

"I'm sorry." He says at last and I let my breath out slowly, "It looks as though the baby passed away a few days ago."

-xx—O—xx-

I don't know what to say to her. My eyes ahead on the road I want to speak to her, I want to tell her I love her, that it's going to be fine, that we can try again, but the words are lost somewhere inside me.

In the passenger seat she stares out the window, her hands over that gentle bump as though willing our baby to be alive inside her. We've been sent home to wait, like all the other times, nature has its own way for children asleep in the womb.

"We should collect Ashley." She says absently, her voice distant and hollow and it makes my breath shake inside me.

"It's ok." I say gently "Mom will have her overnight. Just in case…" I go to say just in case the miscarriage happens tonight, but the words die in my throat. She seems to sense it and reaches a hand over, catching mine and squeezing gently.

"It was a boy." She says quietly.

-xx—O—xx-

As we pull up to the house a sense of dread settles over me. Our house looks like every other two storey, detached home in the cul de sac of rural Vancouver – but today there is marked difference. An Alliance shuttle sits in our driveway, something that has us both frowning in curiosity as I pull up and park at the curb.

"Biotics division?" She asks glancing to me and I shake my head. It's not biotics division, and even if it was they knew I was taking today off and would have contacted me via omni-call if it was important enough.

Slowly I get out of the flightcar, watching as an officer steps out of the Alliance shuttle. He's dressed in Alliance blues, the hat sat rigidly on his head as he snaps a salute to both of us.

"General Alenko." He greets me, his voice much deeper than I expected for he looks incredibly young. "I've been sent to collect you both – Admiral Hackett wants to speak with you both on a matter of urgency."

"I'm supposed to be off duty today-" I start to say but the officer holds up a hand, stopping the words short in my mouth.

"Sir, the Admiral was very clear he requires _both_ of you. Now."

Abigail narrows her eyes at the cadet, opening her omnitool in a flurry. A few button presses and the vis screen lights showing Admiral Hackett on the other side. His face looks leaner, older, the years of rebuilding the Alliance in the aftermath of the Reaper war has taken its tole on him.

"Commander Alenko." He greet her, his voice that same gruff bark.

"What's going on Hackett?" She asks, and on the other end the screen shivers as the Admiral moves.

"I need you and General Alenko here now. We… we have a problem."

I look to Abigail as her eyes meet mine, without another word she turns from me, heading toward the flightcar.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: The miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Chapter Two  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware own all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard, created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated by Bioware.

_Abigail_

I can feel his eyes on me, but I keep mine carefully trained to the back of the officers head as he leads us through a maze of corridors and offices inside Alliance HQ. From under his hat I can see his hair is a light, dusty blonde colour and I wonder how young he is. I wonder if my son would have had blonde hair.

_Slam_.

In my head that is what it sounds like. Like gunshot – like a door blowing shut from a strong wind – and I banish those thoughts. Twenty weeks is not a stillbirth, not in medical terms, it's still a miscarriage according to the staff, but it is so much more than that to me. It's the longest I have carried a baby between us, excluding Ashley – our little miracle – and I think somewhere inside I had almost convinced myself that this time it really was going to be alright.

This time I would be good enough.

I can save the galaxy; rescue soldiers and aliens and civilians alike but I cannot protect my own babies growing inside me.

We are ushered into a long office and I pause just inside the doorway, taken aback by how busy it seems. I know from the snippets I hear about Kaidan's work this is Alliance intelligence and they don't send uniformed officers out to collect you unless it is important.

Kaidan has worked hard to move up ranks, and I am so proud of him, but his status in the military means that he's not just called upon because someone has misplaced some biotic retrofits.

Consoles line each wall, every one of them occupied with an Alliance cadet working furiously – the noise is deafening, and the moment makes me freeze as though I have just been thrust into some alien world. I've been out of the loop too long; it's going to take some time to readjust.

I feel Kaidan's hand on my back, large and hot and grounding, not pushing or pulling – just simply there and I can breathe again. It slides down from between my shoulder blades to my lower back where it sits patiently as he comes around me protectively, shielding me from the wandering eyes of the room.

"We don't have to be here right now." He says quietly, and beyond him I can hear people whisper my name reverently. "I can take you back home." He says gently and I stare at the neckline of his t-shirt, I count the threads there – anything to keep from looking in his eyes.

"No." I say, and my voice doesn't sound like me own. His hand comes to mine, the flash of electrical discharge from myself to him making my flesh wash out in azure – gooseflesh crawling under my skin numbly. His hand wraps around mine and I close my eyes, my vision misting briefly as the shock finally begins to wear off.

"No." I repeat, harder this time "I want to be here."

He stands aside, still holding my hand, still maintaining that contact he knows I need so desperately. The eyes around me snap back to their various duties, but I know they are all watching me. I know they are expecting to see a legend; instead they have a broken warrior.

"Shepard!" My attention is stolen as Hackett enters from a door at the far end of the room. He's in his dress blues – I'm starting to think he maybe lives in those clothes – and marches right for me a hand extended. I take it, and he gives me that warm smile I have grown accustomed to receiving since Anderson's death.

"Are you still going by Shepard?" He asks me then, shaking Kaidan's hand firmly and I blink, glancing at last to my husband who only smiles weakly.

"She's still Shepard." He says, his voice full of pride and love and my face burns with shame as I drop my gaze once more.

"Right. Well." Hackett pivots, gesturing to the door he came from "This way."

_Kaidan_

His office looks the same as it did when I came here to hear about my promotion. Right down to the stack of books on the end of his desk, only this time there is a fine layer of dust settled there that stirs as we enter.

Behind his desk the long windows give an impressive view of the main atrium of the Alliance Headquarters. It's buzzing with Alliance personnel, an undertone of urgency in everyone's movements.

I pull a chair out for Abigail and she sits down carefully, her hand lingering a little longer on top of mine on the armrest than what would be considered professional, but Hackett ignores it completely, taking a seat on the other side of the desk from us.

"My uh-"He clears his throat "Condolences. To both of you. I understand you have been having a hard time lately."

I look at him sharply and there is nothing but kindness in his normally grizzled features so I find it impossible to muster anything like anger. Beside me Abigail shifts, crossing her legs at the knees as she looks away, suddenly interested in the shelves of books around his room. I realise with a start it's down to me to speak.

"Thank you." I say dumbly – what else can you say?

"I'm sure you are wondering why we've brought you both here." He continues in a polite rush, probably eager to change the subject "I just wanted you to know the Alliance is thinking of you both during this trying time and… we would not have asked you here if it was not important."

"What's going on Admiral?" Abigail asks and when I glance at her she has him fixed with that smouldering look only Shepard can give.

"We've got a troubling development in the Sol System." He says, folding his hands in front of him on the table "And in some of the other systems according to reports from the Asari and the Krogan."

I glance to Abigail, but her expression is unchanged.

"Maybe it would be best if you were to see it." He says, passing his hands over datapads strewn on his desk. Gently he lifts one and offers it to me with a shaking hand. Curious I take it from him, running my eyes over the image captured there.

It's a crude picture, taken in flight, the lines blurred and streaky as I try to focus on what I am seeing. It's a ship I realise with a start, impossibly huge and armed, the black hull peppered with canons and glowing with green crackling energy. I frown, handing the pad to Abigail as I take up the Admiral's hard gaze with my own.

"What is it?" I ask and he looks at his hands carefully.

"We don't know." He says simply "A ship, the scale and technology of it is beyond… even what we saw with the reapers." He pauses, running a hand over his white beard "There is one in every system, Asari, Salarian, Turian – hell even what is left of the Batarian's have reported one sitting in their system."

"How did they get here?" Abigail asks and I look at her, her eyes are still fixed on the image "You said the relays were _almost_ fully functional."

"Yes." Hackett says gruffly "We don't know Shepard. Our intelligence suggests that they perhaps have a different method of travel open to them – at this point we can't be sure, and we can't assume anything either."

A cold silence descends on us and I'm sure I can hear my heart beating as I lick my lips, priming the only question that matters in this discussion: "Are they a threat?"

The Admiral looks at me and I can see in his gaze I already have my answer "We've sent a few shuttles." He says quietly "None have made it back."

"So what do you want from us?" Abigail asks, setting the datapad back on the desk.

"You and General Alenko are the best we have," He says cooly "you have the most experience in the field dealing with alien races – you have the most experience of diplomatic relations with alien races – it was a clear choice." He clears his throat and adds "We need you to go in and investigate what this is – try and make contact, discern intentions – hell Shepard I would settle for anything you could give me at this juncture."

I look to Abigail, sitting forward in my chair a little as I shake my head "I'll go." I offer and slowly her eyes come to mine "I'll go." I repeat "Shepard's in no positi-"

"I'll go too." She says firmly and the words die in my throat as I snap my gaze to hers. She's not looking at me anymore though, she's looking at the Admiral.

Hackett sucks in a breath, an uncomfortable tension floating over the three of us as he looks at me then to Shepard then back to me. "Is there going to be a problem?" He asks gently and I keep my gaze on Abigail, wishing she would look at me so I could implore her to revoke that offer of help. She's in no state to be traipsing the galaxy – both emotionally and physically she needs time to heal.

"No." I say stiffly "No problem."

She's running.

I know it. Since I've known Shepard she has always been running ahead of events and emotions, too scared to let them catch up on her in case they swallow her whole. This is no exception.

As soon as we are in the house she pushes away from me, down the hallway and into the kitchen where she will throw herself into making dinner. As if making dinner can make up for the fact we can't make a baby together. I don't mean that, but I know that is how she thinks and it kills me.

I don't know how to make it better.

I can hear the clattering of pans and dishes being thrown around, and I stand outside the kitchen door, press my back to the cold wall and fold my arms over my chest. I can hear the noise of her starting the oven, of the fridge opening and closing, cupboard doors opening and closing, slamming contents on the counter, then the snap and crack of a knife on the glass chopping board.

Then at last I can hear those breathless sobs.

I stoop a little, closing my eyes as I listen to her crying softly in the kitchen. I give her a minute, as long as I can endure, before I turn standing in the threshold quietly. Her back is to me, standing in front of the kitchen unit overlooking our back garden, her head is dropped between her shoulders, the knife still clutched in her hand.

I don't speak. I simply move to her, gathering her in my arms like I used to – like I always will when she needs me – and hold her against me. She turns, burying her face in my chest, her hands gripping at the fabric of my t-shirt as she cries silently against me, I feel the gentle hum of her biotics react against my own – as though they are singing their own song of mourning.

I'm so desperate to make this right.

"Are we going to talk about this?" I ask her gently and she stiffens in my arms.

"No." She says brokenly "I'm… I'm not ready." She adds quietly.

I hold her to me, kiss the top of her head and know absolutely it doesn't matter; I would wait forever if she needed it.

"I love you Abigail." I say to her and I want her to believe it; I want her to feel it. "I love you."

"We should call your mom." She says at last, gently pulling back but I hold her hips, running my hands over the coarse denim of her jeans "We'll have to let her know Ashley will need to stay with her for a while."

"We're not leaving until next week." I remind her gently "We have time. Mom won't mind." I take her hands coaxing her with me as I give her a warm smile "Let me make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." She protests weakly, shaking her head gently, but I'm not letting her away that easy. I pursue her, driving her backwards until she touches the kitchen counter and then I lift her – surprised by how light she is and simultaneously concerned – sitting her gently on the tiled top and wedging myself between her legs.

She hesitates and it feels like a knife to my chest; that dark fear that has grown between us like some immovable wall. It shouldn't be there, but it is, as tangible and real as my heart thumping in my chest – I'm scared to touch her.

Funny, I had never thought about kids until I met Shepard, and even then when we had Ashley – although there were problems – I never connected the two until we miscarried with the second pregnancy.

It was then the doctor began to look at the fact we were both biotics. What that could mean for a growing child inside her. Any reaction, big or small, ran the risk of killing our unborn children – but any biotic knows it is almost impossible to control _everything_. Emotions trigger reactions felt in discharges, even without being used in combat – the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy is a minefield for Shepard.

The research is still preliminary – there are just not enough biotic couples having children for it to be substantial, or helpful. To give us the answers we so desperately need.

"I don't know if I can do this again." She says gently, and I freeze, my hands running over her thighs as I move my shoulders.

"So we don't go through it again." I say, my voice is barely there but I force it out "There are other options honey. We could adopt – there are kids out there needing a good home."

Her hands flutter to my shoulders and I can see the intense concentration on her face as she tries to keep her emotions in control "Or we could try surrogacy." She says gently and I feel myself recoil a little.

This has never been an option to me. It was suggested after we lost the third baby that instead of impregnating Shepard we should find a non-biotic woman willing to surrogate and I impregnate her instead.

Well, to be fair the doctor used politer words than that, and made it sound much nicer too – but I call it as I see it; and it will never happen.

"I can't do that." I say gently, "I'm sorry."

She nods "The problem's not with _you_ Kaidan." She says unhappily "Maybe you should find someone who ca-"

"Don't you say that." I say firmly, cupping her face in both my hands gently "I'm not going anywhere Abigail."

She pulls away from me, looking away as she whispers "Do you understand why I took the mission?"

I swallow, levelling my tone carefully "I… I can't stop you going." I say thickly "If you want to-"

"I need to." She says hotly, her blue eyes coming back to mine sharply "Don't you get that? I need to remember who I was before all of this Kaidan. Who we were." She smiles sadly "I feel like I've lost you Kaidan."

I draw her against me, shivering against the low hum of our biotics as they crash and sing against each other "I'm right here." I say firmly "I'm standing right here, with you."

She doesn't say anything for a long time, just holds onto me and then I hear her voice, tiny and faraway and I have to strain to catch her words.

"The contractions have started."

I don't move, just tighten my arms around her and close my eyes as the first nip of tears begins to sting behind my eyelids.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: The miss-adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Chapter Three  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware own all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard, created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware

_Kaidan_

I wedge myself onto one of the wooden chairs at the kitchen table and glance over the breakfast spread laid out before me. Beside me, in 'her' chair Ashley is tucking into a bowl of cereal – chocolate of some sort – and I consider joining her in her choice just before Abigail turns from the stove with a fresh batch of pancakes on a serving plate.

My stomach growls angrily at the sight of them and I smile, taking the plate gently and setting it amongst the other breakfast paraphernalia; the fruit and the milk and juice and the plastic containers of different cereals.

She takes her seat across from me silently and I watch her from the edges of my eyes as I serve myself a couple of those hot pancakes. She looks better – last week had been a nightmare from the spot bleeding to the delivery of our son, but she is starting to look like she has some colour to her face once again.

"Is nana coming today?" Ashley asks her mouth full of cereal and I smile, pouring a healthy dollop of syrup on my pancakes before I tuck into it with a fork.

"She is." I say quietly "You're going to stay with nana. Just for a little while. Mummy and daddy have some work to do – but we'll be back little princess." I glance to Abigail who is pushing cereal around her bowl silently.

"Can I take my bike?" She asks, her dark head of curls turning to her mother and Abigail smiles.

"Absolutely." She says, pushing her bowl away from her "We'll get it out the garage before you go."

She looks back to me, her large blue eyes glittering with mischief as she leans toward me conspiring "Mummy's a soldier again." She giggles "Her fat tummy is gone."

The pancake sticks in my throat and I choke, slamming a fist into my chest as I glance to Abigail. She's still smiling, but I can see it is pained now, can see the happiness falter in her eyes as she glances away.

"Come on." She says, getting to her feet "Let's go and get your case together."

Ashley looks at me, confused almost as to what she's done wrong and I smile reassuringly at her. She hops off her chair, padding to me still in her pyjamas and climbs onto my knee, her fingers immediately dipping into the syrup on my plate and slipping into her mouth one by one.

Shepard rolls her eyes, leaving us to go and collect Ashley's suitcase from her bedroom.

"You know. It's not nice to call people fat." I say gently "You don't want to hurt mummy's feelings do you?"

Ashley considers this a long moment, her tongue licking a wobbly line up her finger "No." She says at last, giving me that cheeky toothless grin.

I kiss her temple, bouncing my knee under her as I tuck the last of the pancake into my mouth and reach for another. She squeals with delight, her hands slamming on the table-top as she raises a fist into the air.

"Normandy go!" She cries, and I whip my hands under her arms, tickling her ribs as she crashes back against me in fits of giggles. As her laughter dies down I set her back on the floor.

"Go help your mummy." I say gently "I'll be through once I clear this up Princess."

She glances over her shoulder at me and for a moment I swear she looks so much older than her meagre five years "I'm not a princess." She scolds, frowning at me "I'm a soldier."

_Abigail_

I slam the car boot closed, turning just in time to be scooped into strong arms. Kaidan's mother is fierce, I've always thought that – but I can _feel_ it now as she crushes me against her.

"You take care of yourself Abby." She whispers and I nod, drawing strength from her words as she pulls back from me, cupping my face with one soft, doughy hand. "When it's meant to be it will be." She adds and I feel my stomach flip flop painfully as that old, painted smile creeps over my mouth.

She turns to Kaidan who has been waiting patiently on the sidewalk the whole time, gathering him in the same hug only she is much smaller than her son, probably the same height as me, and so it doesn't seem to be as overpowering. As she backs away from him she pats his face affectionately, shaking her head.

"Ai." She sighs "You kids." She gives him a knowing smile and turns to the flightcar where Ashley is frantically waving from the back seat. "Get sat down!" She complains with a smile "Mon dieu – she will be the death of me yet."

I press my hand to the glass over Ashley's, and she grins openly at me, her blue eyes shining. I hear Kaidan come up behind me, his footsteps heavy on the sidewalk as he wraps an arm around my waist gently blowing her a kiss.

"You be good." I say, my voice cracking as I try to keep it together – I hate saying goodbye to her, even though I know she will be with Kaidan's mother. I know she will be safe.

"Come back safe." Kaidan's mother says, dipping into the driver's seat and a moment later the engine sputters to life forcing us to take a cautious step back. I watch as the flightcar takes off, my life inside it and I feel that old pull of separation make me ache.

"It'll be ok." Kaidan says behind me and I nod. He moves to my side, kissing my forehead gently "We should get ready. We need to be awake for 0500 hours tomorrow."

I glance at the darkening sky, wondering what it is that waits for us up there.

I can't sleep. Typical.

I've run over everything I think I need to, but the truth is until we are debriefed tomorrow we don't really know what we are walking in to. I have no idea what their plans are for us, and I worry they will ask too much. I worry I won't be able to say no.

I want to scream.

I don't have a death wish; not necessarily – and I love Kaidan and Ashley too much to do that to them.

But I've stopped doing this world any real good.

I step into the shower, the frosted glass surround slick with condensation as I step under the hot water and rake my hands through my hair. It's hot and comforting and I can lose myself for a moment or two as I shampoo, but it never lasts. As though my feet are weighed down I get dragged back to the mission ahead – to the implications – too many scenarios to make any predictions.

There is a tap – a knock – on the glass and I open my eyes, flicking soap and shampoo from my face as I clear my throat.

"I'll just be a minute." I say, and I can see Kaidan's shadow on the other side of the glass, his arm leaning against the pane.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asks and I rinse my hair.

"You?" I ask him, closing my eyes as I step back under the hot spray. He doesn't answer me and for a moment I think he has left opening my mouth to catch some water. It stops abruptly, shadows dancing against my closed lids and I open my eyes to see Kaidan in front of me, his jogging bottoms soaked through.

The spray cascades down his bare chest, over sculpted muscle and taut skin, over my name – still stamped over his heart – the heart I have broken too many times to count and still it beats for me.

I want to scream.

There is awkwardness in here with us, tense and overpowering barriers that have been erected by grief and by loss – barriers that shouldn't be there, barriers that I want to wash away with the soap from my hair so I can feel Kaidan again – know him like I used to.

His hand comes to my face, rough thumb running over my lips as he takes a cautious step toward me. The shock of his touch makes my breath stutter in my chest, my heart already hammering against my ribs as I watch his dark eyes. There is something there in them, dark and intense and warming.

I want to scream.

"Kaidan?" I ask him, but my voice breaks; under the intensity of his gaze I feel myself bending.

He doesn't say anything, just leans into me, his lips coaxing mine open gently and I close my eyes again as he kisses me.

Then he is gone, I feel the light on the backs of my eyes once more, but his hands are still heavy on my hips. I feel breath on my skin, at my ribcage, soft lips tracing the curves and planes of my body.

I feed my fingers into his hair, focusing on how it feels as it curls around my fingers wet, shutting everything else out. He stops at my navel, I feel his lips run the length of my pubic bone, his tongue tracing the scar on the rise of my hip gently, the sensation stirring old feelings in me that begin low in my gut and spread into my chest with each heavy heartbeat.

His fingers on my lower back dig into flesh, raking over my behind as he coaxes one leg up and over his shoulder.

The first touch of his tongue draws an involuntary hiss from me as I tremble against him; without having to summon them I feel the sudden rush of static over my skin and when I open my eyes I can see the azure hue dancing over me.

On his knees in front of me Kaidan groans against me, and I crush my eyes closed – one arm snaking up to hold onto the showerhead as stars begin to float in and out of my vision. He breaks away, the spray of the shower suddenly incredibly hot as he blows cold air on me before his mouth comes back with vigour – his tongue rolling just in the right place and…

_Kaidan_…

I suck in a breath, low and painfully short as he gets back to his feet, his mouth coming to mine hungrily and I cling to him, wanting him against me, wanting him to break these barriers and chains we've built up over time.

"I love you." He whispers and I feel my eyes fill with tears as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. My legs go from under me, and I'm falling, tensing before I realise he has simply scooped me up in his arms and I lean my head on his shoulder, my fingers tracing the line of his Alliance tattoo on his back.

So much history there, all of it etched into our skin just as visible as that black tattoo on him.

He lays me on the bed, still wet and I scoot back as he kneels between my legs, his wet jogging bottoms cold against my skin as he dips his head, pressing wet, sucking kisses to my throat.

I breathe, but it comes as more of a gasp for air, and I feel his mouth curve into a smile against me – I've been asleep for so long and he knows he is waking me up – I can feel it stir in my blood as his tongue swirls around an aching nipple, his rough skin brushing my own as his biotics hum to life, blue tendrils dancing over his shoulders wildly.

I place my hands there and they lick at me like flames, twirling around my hands and fingers as though they are an extension of him, pulling me closer. He sinks against me, heavy and damp and real on top of me as he smiles, that blue fire in his eyes making me shudder.

"I've missed you so much." He says gently and I feel tears slide down past my temples as he kisses me again, his hips pressing against my own as he slides into me.

I let go.

It's like hanging onto a cliff edge, sometimes you think you have a good grip and everything will be fine – but what you don't realise is you can't hang on there forever, sooner or later you are going to fall.

I want to scream.

The crackling static of our energy fills my ears alongside Kaidan's soft moans, if I open my eyes I can see the fibres of our biotics as they twirl and dance and move together; but I can _feel_ so much more.

I can feel Kaidan inside me, with each gentle movement, each loving touch, each tender kiss and I hold him to me as I glide on that bliss – as I soar above all those hated barriers and back into his arms where I've always belonged.

He whispers my name and I cry out, that hot core of sensations building inside me. He can feel it too, dropping his pace but increasing the intensity of each inexorably strong, slow stroke.

"Stay with me." He whispers against my ear and I press the side of my face to his, I rake nails up his back, listening to the low moan it pulls from deep inside him and I'm dancing on the edge again – alive and warm and suddenly free as I draw his lobe between my teeth.

"Always." I tell him, and I see it all – everything we have been through; the close calls, the pain and heartache; the sacrifices – and I know there is only one way forward. One way out of the blackness and that is with him by my side.

I want to scream.

_Kaidan_…

His hand slides under my back, tipping my pelvis and the change of angle makes my head spin as each movement rocks me toward paradise. I groan, low and hungry and the static energy around us begins to hum brighter.

"Kaidan…" I cry, and his mouth covers mine as he gathers me in his arms, holding me against him, I can't breathe – the sensations cutting off my oxygen as I spiral out of control.

I stretch against him, my ribs spreading as I suck in a breath and he smiles, bringing his mouth to mine in a rush as I crash headlong into eternity.

And I do scream.

I scream so loud it sunders the quiet of our home; it draws heavy, primal noises from Kaidan as he follow me over that cliff edge and somewhere vaguely I can hear the sound of glass shattering.

As the stars begin to fade, my heart hammering against my ribs, I take a shaky breath. We lay there for a long time, kissing and stroking and holding until I feel my hips go stiff, the muscles in my thighs beginning to ache.

Gently, Kaidan lifts himself from me, his arms pulling me with him and we roll in the bed, my head coming to his shoulder as he crushes me against him.

It's then I feel a cool breeze on my skin, and I frown wondering who left the window open. Before I can check it though Kaidan chuckles softly beside me, his hand sweeping wet hair from my face.

"We broke the window." He whispers.

I smile, tracing the lettering of my name on his chest. "We mended a lot more." I say gently and he kisses the top of my head.

"I suppose when you look at it like that." He says gently "I love you Abigail."

I smile, kissing my name on his chest, feeling him tense against me as my lips stir his passion once more.

"Abby," He groans "You're going to end me." He complains and I shake my head, leaning over him as I kiss his nose gently.

"You're not going anywhere Alenko." I whisper, pressing my mouth to his once more.

_Kaidan_

Admiral Hackett is waiting for us when we arrive, the sun barely cresting the horizon and me half asleep on my feet as I wander through the glass doors into the Alliance Headquarters.

Sleep would have been a good idea – but as usual Shepard had other plans.

It's quiet this time of the morning and Hackett's office seems incredibly small and dark as we take our seats, waiting for him to speak. He closes the door stiffly, striding around the other side of his desk and sinking into his chair. I notice with a wry smile that stack of books is still there, maybe they are just for show.

"There has been a development." He says and I sit straighter, if only to appear more awake and focused. Beside me Shepard is putting me to shame, her blue eyes hold the Admiral's unwavering, her posture tight and alert.

"We got pinged by the Krogan." Hackett continues, rummaging through the pads on his desk as he clears his throat "The Asari have made contact with the ship in their system – one of our contacts forwarded a copy of their communications to us and it is… troubling to say the least."

He pauses as he flicks a switch on his console, the far wall suddenly illuminated with light as a vid screen popped up. There is nothing but static and white noise but as I listen I can hear a shaky breath.

"We understand your position." A female voice says, crisp and almost saddened "The Asari embassy have met and we would like to accept your offer."

"A wise decision. For you and your race." The replying voice is deep – almost too deep, like a Batarian, as though the vocal cords are incredibly short "We will contact you again soon."

The transmission ends with a click and Hackett flicks the switch to turn the vid off once more.

"What the hell was that?" Abigail asks hotly, her brow furrowed.

"We're not sure." Hackett admits "We've been unable to establish contact with the Asari since – but the Krogan did send us a wave. They have established contact with the ships and are holding a parley with the other races present to discuss terms and try to broker some kind of peace-meeting." He clears his throat stiffly "I want you and General Alenko on Tuchanka for that meeting to represent Humanity in this."

"Tuchanka?" I ask "I assume the relays are repaired then?"

Hackett nods, his eyes finding mine and holding them fiercely "They are. We still have the Normandy in dry dock, I assume there won't be any argument about taking the old ship?"

Abigail nods "Not at all Admiral." She says firmly.

"And Shepard…" Admiral Hackett adds, his fingers glancing over the screen of his console once more "Now you are being officially reinstated to the Alliance Military you should know that you are being promoted to Major." He inclines his head "I'm sorry for the poor reception, you understand we didn't have the time for a ceremony."

I glance to Abigail but her expression is indifferent as she moves her shoulders.

"Just eager to get going sir." She says honestly.

"Well, rendezvous with Urdnot Wrex on Tuchanka. Report back here once you have assessed the situation."

I get to my feet, saluting the Admiral tiredly before turning. I pause letting Abigail go first, my eyes wandering to her rear almost naturally as her hips sway against her combats lusciously.

"Tempy!" The voice is most unwelcome – as is the name and all the feelings it dregs with it, I look beyond Abigail's shoulder to see the source standing, as proud as ever, hands on the hips of his brown combats and a stupid grin on his damned handsome face.

"Hobbs?" she asks, almost disbelieving.

"Hobbs." I grumble, already feeling myself prickle as she rushes over to him and wraps her arms around him in a hug.

"What are you doing here?" Abigail asks, pulling back from him and he smiles at her, that roguish look in his eyes and I take a step toward her, my eyes glancing to her hands and spotting my wedding band still on her finger – it's reassuring. Comforting.

I look back to him with a smile this time.

"Hackett called us all in." He says, gesturing behind him with a jab of his thumb "The whole crew are here and ready to follow you back into hell."

With that he turns his eyes back to me, that smile widening as he splays his hands "You missed me." He says coyly "I don't need to ask, I know you did!"

I steel my gaze, rolling my eyes as he takes a step toward me offering his hand. I take it, stubbornly, and he pulls me into a bear hug, slapping his hand on my back vigorously and I wince as the nail marks lining my skin begin to burn again.

"Sorry I missed the wedding." He says letting me go "Nice to see you finally managed to pin her down long enough to get a ring on her finger." He grins casting a wink to Shepard that tests my patience a little, but I let it go. It's just his way.

"Thanks." I say archly "For missing it." His face drops as he takes in my words and then that grin spreads back over his features, lighting his eyes with mirth and hilarity as he chuckles at me.

"True." He says nodding "Wouldn't want Shepard calling out my name on the honeymoon." He takes a heavy, serious breath "That would be just awkward."

There is a noise as Abigail punches his arm playfully and he turns to her making a mew of an apology her way. I take it on the chin, knowing I cannot out-talk a Scotsman and so simply shrug, catching Abigail's hand in my own as Hobbs turns pointing to the door that leads out into the atrium.

"We're all out there." He says, "Give you guys a couple of minutes and then we'll see you when you join us."


	11. Chapter 11

Title: The Miss Adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Chapter Four  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: All characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise belong to Bioware. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware.  
Characters Featured: Abigail Shepard; Kaidan Alenko; Argyle Hobbins 'Hobbs'; Urnot Wrex; Urdnot Bakara Garrus Vakarian; Primarch Victus

_Wrex_

Damn pyjaks.

I lumber through the stone halls, the smell of twilight drifting up from below where Bakara has decided to hold a feast for the anniversary of the destruction of the Reapers. I pause at the great stone pillars, leaning against their towering strength and watch the fire dance over Krogan flesh as they chant and sing about Shepard and the destruction she heralded.

I should be down there with them, with my children, but I have most unsettling news to break with my mate. Not that I make a habit of that, damned females think they run the place – but she does have a way of filtering information back to me, somehow it makes it less hostile – less loud in my head.

She sees me, the gossamer headdress she wears catching the breeze as she gets to her feet and begins to pad toward me. Her wide eyes hold mine and I can tell before she even speaks she can sense my discomfort – and she's damned smug about it too.

"Wrex." She says, her tone scolding "You should come and join the feast." She comes beside me, a firm hand on my shoulder as she regards me carefully "You have more news." It's not a question, she can read it on my face as though I am an open book.

"Mmm," I growl "I do."

"Well?" Bakara asks impatiently and I raise my chin, making sure she knows she isn't going to demand anything of me in that tone. I turn, putting more distance between us and the revellers and she follows, her footsteps punctuated by angry sighs.

"We intercepted a message sent by the Salarians to the ship in their system." I say and Bakara pauses a long moment, her golden eyes watching me as I start to pace. I can feel the blood begin to move inside me, to swirl and rush like hot lava through my muscles. My tendons snap angrily with each step, my hands curling and uncurling at my sides.

"How did you come by this message?" She asks and I move my shoulders, the hostility I feel climbing a notch.

"We've been watching their communications since Shepard went to Surkesh for you." I say hotly "You can't place your trust in those damned pyjaks! I knew one day they would stick the knife in our back again."

Bakara is silent a long moment, her wise eyes looking left and then right as she considers her next move.

"What does it say?" She asks at last and I stop pacing, my anger rising as I recall the communication perfectly.

"They've elected to join this empire. That's all we need to know." I say, the venom in my voice as I spit the words out apparent.

Bakara is silent for a time, her golden eyes turn back to the celebrations below us. "Why would the Salarians join with this new threat without resistance?" She closes her eyes "They know something we do not."

"Because they are damned pyjaks." I grumble, storming away from her, my anger spiking dangerously as I swing my vision back to watch her "The whole lot of them! We should have known they would betray us the minute they had the chance!"

"Wrex." Bakara says, her tone warning and I turn to face her "Shepard took great lengths to secure this peace, we should not abandon it so quickly over speculation. We have to meet with the Salarian covenant."

I wave her off, I would rather they cut out one of my hearts and boil it in front of me than have a Salarian set foot on Tuchanka, but the feeling is not lost on me. We've never seen the technology of these ships before, we don't know anything about them or what they can do – and that makes me feel… uncertain. Our Krogan numbers are swelling, but with each newborn there is another life to protect and the numbers of experienced warriors are still thin following the war.

"They are not attending the meeting." I say, my voice low and dangerous "But I'll get answers from them, even if it has to be in blood."

She is about to speak when a scout comes into our quarters, the moonlight catching the silver of his armour as he looks first to Bakara then to me.

"Sir," He barks, his voice is low – commanding – Krogan and I give him my attention. "We've had a response from the Alliance embassy. Shepard is on her way."

I laugh, the sound rumbling from deep inside me as I turn to Bakara "See?" I say, never letting her see the relief that washes through me "Even Shepard can smell a dirty varren when it tucks tail and bites you in the ass."

_Shepard_

I look through the glass window to the foyer beyond where the crew of the Normandy sit waiting for us to join them.

I don't recognise the faces, a lot of them seem incredibly young, and with a pang I suddenly miss the old crew. I know that is unfair, that I couldn't ask then to leave their homes and come back now, especially after how long it took for them to get home.

"Hey, Lola." The warm drawl of James Vega pulls me from my thoughts and I turn to see him shake hands with Kaidan, his usual leer on his handsome face.

He's dressed in his armour, ready for action, the same old Vega I remember, muscles bulging out between the plating as he runs his Hazel gaze over the length of me.

"James." I say and he offers me his hand which I take, making a conscious effort to grip it all the firmer – can't have him know I've been lax lately in my fitness regime. "Where's Liara?" I expected her to be by his side, as we have gotten used to over the last five years.

James and Liara had decided to settle in Vancouver not long after Ashley was born, something that surprised me, but Liara integrated well to the culture while still maintaining her roots. Their own daughter, Adalia, is Ashley's best friend.

"No one I trust to take care of the _princesa, _she wanted to be here…" He trails off and I can tell there is an apology coming so I reach for him, pressing a hand to the plating of his shoulder.

"It's ok." I say firmly "I don't know what we would do if it weren't for Andrea."

James smiles "Yeah, I thought about asking Kaidan's _madre_, but I didn't think she could handle two biotic five year olds… damn, one must be trouble enough."

"I don't know." Kaidan says, glancing to me "She's pretty resourceful. I just wish she would stop teaching Ashley French… half the time I have no idea what she is saying."

"Either way," I say "It's good to have you with us Vega."

He smiles, rolling his shoulders and I can actually here the tendons there pop and snap with anticipation "So I've to report to an Operative Hobbins?" He smiles "I'm guessing that is the crazed Scottish guy that helped us out in the Reaper war right?"

I frown, maybe there has been a misunderstanding "Well, no." I shake my head "Yes – yes that is Hobbs, but wait… who said you were to report to him?" I shake my head "We're taking the Normandy."

"Mission briefing." James says holding his hands up the look on his face screaming 'don't shoot the messenger' "Maybe I read it wrong Lola."

I glance to Kaidan who shrugs, his attention elsewhere and when I follow his gaze I can see Joker making his way along the hall slowly. Kaidan moves to him, gathering him in a bear hug that I worry will break the man in two before I remember the treatments he recently had. Thanks to the Reaper technology advancements in medicine have leapt forward, and Joker is almost completely cured of his Vrollick Syndrome now, although to look at him you would never know it. He still walks around stooped and miserable.

Losing EDI hit Joker hard, maybe as hard as losing Ashley all those years ago, and a string of unsuccessful relationships following have done nothing to lift his spirits. I think the only time I have seen him happy is on the few occasions he has babysat Ashley for us – that little girl is his entire world, I had never seen him so proud when she called him 'Uncle Joker', more so than when he got the Normandy.

Well, almost.

I leave them to talk, this reporting business requires investigation, and I push the switch for the door stepping into the foyer.

Mercifully most of the crew is filing out onto the gangway leading out to where the Normandy is docked, Hobbs is hanging back a little, watching them all file out and checking the crew list on his omnitool. He doesn't even look up to see me coming as I storm over to him, steeling myself for when those eyes turn to look at me.

And when they do, I fight against the memories that well up from inside.

"_Tempy," He whispers, his voice fraught and strained and something else, something I can't place, something I can't bear thinking about "You're… you're alive." _

_I swallow, the words sounding somehow warmer than when Kaidan had spoken them to me on Horizon, but I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously, glancing around me for signs of an ambush or a trap. The ward is busy, but there doesn't seem anything hostile – a few paces away a quarian is arguing with a volus about some accusation or another, people of all species mill about purchasing and chatting, the store fronts blink brightly in my vision as I swing it back around to Hobbs._

_There is nothing hostile in those ocean eyes as I catch my breath, holding myself like stone._

"_What do you want Hobbs?" I ask him coldly._

_He blinks, as though my speaking confirms the fact I am really here and he presses a hand to his forehead "I… I spoke with Kaidan." He says, his voice wavering "I didn't believe him. Thought he had lost is again." _

_I move my shoulders, the confrontation on Horizon rising bitterly to the surface as I glare openly at him. _

"_Why didn't you tell me you were alive Tempy?" He asks and I grit my teeth, ready for his emotional backlash._

"_I was in a coma." I say heatedly "Or as close to it as you can get. I wasn't even awake until a few months ago. How do you want me to tell you Hobbs? Telekinesis?" I gather my breath, hot and heavy and angry inside me "You know what, I don't need this. I had enough of it from Kaidan on Horizon to last me a lifetime. You want to give me your complex too? Get in line." I turn from him sharply, Miranda flinching and backing away from me as though I might strike her. _

_It's a nice thought… _

_A hand grips my upper arm, strong fingers wrapping around the muscle there and digging deep as I am swung back around quickly. My hands crash against a hard chest, and I raise one fist to strike my captor. It's seized mid-air and chapped, firm lips are pressed urgently against my own. _

_I struggle back, breaking the kiss with a gasp as I glare into Hobbs' eyes._

"_I don't care that you didn't tell me." He says quietly, his chest heaving against my own "I just care that you're back."_

"Tempy." He says, not even glancing up from his omnitool as I come up beside him.

"What's going on?" I ask stiffly "Vega is to report to _you._" I shake my head "Why are you commanding my crew?"

He looks at me then, almost sympathetic "Uh… Tempy…" He smiles "I'm in charge here. You and General Alenko are non-combatants on this mission. I'm here to escort you to this meeting and back safely." The words hit like gunfire and I hesitate, my shields taking substantial damage as I try to regain my bearings from the shock.

"This is a joke." I whisper. "It has to be. I'm to report to you? Are you serious?" I bark, not caring how insulting it sounds to him.

"No joke." Hobbs counters with an infuriating smile "You have a child under ten Shepard, even if you weren't going to play talk with the new aliens that would prevent you enlisting as a combatant anyway." He moves his shoulders "Just think of yourself as a…diplomatic advisor."

I blink. Stupefied.

In front of me Hobbs puffs his chest out, grinning stupidly at my discomfort. Clearly, he is loving this. He presses his hands to his hips and leans into me a little, a sudden frown creasing his forehead. "Now for business." He says seriously "Just one question for you Shepard actually." He nods seriously at me and I run over what I know about the Normandy in preparation for his question, the defences, the retrofits, the galaxy map – and then he takes a deep breath and smiles at me with dimpled cheeks and those shiny whites.

"Can you take orders Shepard?"

_Kaidan_

"Can I take orders?!" She scoffs loudly, throwing her duffel across the room she has been assigned as quarters. It rattles off the far wall, toppling to her bed and rolling there to a stop as she storms in after it, barely taking the room in as she immediately begins pacing.

My own room is next door, but I know to leave her like this now would be a mistake.

It's nice, the room, no fishtank this time and the overall size is smaller, but it's still nice. I drag my eyes from the room and focus on Abigail as she throws her hands up in the air.

"I'm invisible." She mutters "Never mind I just ended a war – and they want me to go and prevent another one – no, let's just put Hobb's in charge… that seems like a swell-"

"Abby." I chuckle, taking the step down into the main space of her quarters and moving to her quickly. "Calm down, you're not invisible. Trust me."

She turns to me, her hands pressing into her hips as she rolls her shoulders "It's not right Kaidan." She says firmly. "I'm not there to jump in the playpen with all the politicians."

"It's not like that," I try, reaching a hand for her but she swings from me, pacing once again "Hobbs said diplomatic advisor."

She stops, turning her blue eyes on me with a hard stare "Politician." She mutters "I'm not…" She sighs "That's not who I am Kaidan, you know that."

"I do." I say, reaching for her and this time she receives, pressing against me as I wrap my arms around her waist "Let's just play the parts we're given." I say gently "No one will think any less of you." I pause, racking my brain for that old quote she used to throw at me but it's gone and I frown "What was it you used to tell me? You said your dad said it all the time… something about legacy and glory…" I shake my head breaking into a smile as she rolls her eyes at me.

"All glory is fleeting, it's your legacy that endures." She mumbles, almost petulantly and I chuckle softly, raising her chin with my index finger.

"You are a legend." I smile, brushing my lips against hers "And so much more…" I move to her throat but she dips away from me, pushing me back with a smile.

"It feels wrong." She persists "I feel like I've been demoted."

"Hey." I say firmly "Abigail honey, you're not a Spectre anymore. You're regular old Alliance military again."

She narrows her eyes at me "You had better just back up a few words there sunshine."

I grin, running my hands lower "Alright, you're not old." I relent "But you _are_ in the military again honey. That means you have to follow the protocols, and the ranks." I pause, grinning playfully her "You know technically… I… outrank you."

She fixes me with a glare, the blue in her eyes ice cold as she shakes her head "Do not. Go there."

I raise my hands in surrender "Ok." I smile, kissing her cheek "I'm going to scope the mess – why don't you settle in, try and relax – have a bath."

I take a step back and she shakes her head at me, picking at her bottom lip with her fingers as she looks to the floor. "In a while." She says absently and I move past her, stepping up to the door and waiting as they hiss open.

"Oh, Abby?" I say, pausing and turning to lean my arm on the threshold.

She looks at me, her hand dropping by her side.

"That's an order." I quip, grinning wildly as I duck out of sight before she can respond.

_Garrus_

Tuchanka is… green.

It's been a while since I've left Palaven, sure, but I wasn't expecting this. Not by a long shot.

I can remember Tuchanka during the war, running through the ruins with Shepard and Vega and we thought the Reapers were our biggest worry – never mind the gigantic thresher maw, Kalros, rumbling around underground. Those were the days.

Now, the most excitement I get is when Tali stops by – and well, that's just not as often as I would like it to be.

I pause at the top of the rampway looking out on the Krogan settlement with apparent awe. Compared to the battered ruins they used to call home it's amazing, there are actually proper dwellings now, and families – never thought I would live to see a Krogan child, but they are… well everywhere – running and fighting and whooping and hollering.

It almost looks peaceful and not for the first time I wonder just how much we don't know about the Krogan.

Their homes are stone, many huddled together with great clearings where pits have been dug for campfires and the whole settlement oozes community spirit, I can just see the families gathered around the fires at night sharing stories of the genophage. I wonder what I must look like to them – a friend or an enemy? How has history written in the Turians?

I step down the rampway of our escort ship, smoothing the front of my suit as Primarch Victus thunders on ahead of me. He's still the battle-hardened soldier I remember, but in the aftermath of the Reaper war he has shown himself to be an invaluable leader and a friend.

Rebuilding Palaven has been no easy task, and most of what is left of our race has congregated there to help in the effort, leaving the outlying planets almost barren once more. Our military at least is as strong as ever, but then it would take a lot more than Reapers to shake our foundations to an unrecognisable degree.

Officially I'm here as an advisor, I suppose I am the closest thing they have, but I'll admit to myself if no one else I have no idea what they expect me to say. I looked over the reports – I've never even heard of Mass Effect cores, the ability to move without using a relay? I didn't even know it was possible. Certainly if the race is peaceful we have a lot to learn from them, and from their military.

It does make me a little uneasy though; we know so little about these ships – where they have come from, what they want – these are big questions that need answers. But it's the answers that scare me the most.

Our intelligence suggests they came from Reaper space; and nothing that comes from there can be good news.

I see Wrex, the great flat red head rising from a crowd as he shoves his way free of them, his arms throwing open wide as he approaches me. His mouth splits open in a wide, toothy grin, stretching the scars that run along his face. He is dressed in his battle armour, maybe a sign of strength? You would never know, but I feel suddenly underdressed, and vulnerable as I give him a friendly nod in response to the warm greeting.

"Garrus!" He calls, his voice that same low rumble that makes the ground shake under me "Had a feeling you would show!"

I take his hand, waiting until Victus moves beside me his mandible's twitching as he looks the Krogan up and down. His face is expressionless but I think I can detect nervousness in his posture. Wrex is fearsome, most Krogan are – but Wrex further still.

"This is Primarch Victus." I say carefully and Wrex turns his gaze on him warily.

"We met before." He says quietly "I assume you have no more secrets to let out before we start Primarch?" He asks and if it is possible I'm sure Victus shrinks a little.

"Are they here?" He asks, holding his ground and straight to business, his grey eyes meeting Wrex's with voracity.

"Not yet." Wrex grumbles "But you are welcome to come in and wait. The others are inside." He pauses looking at me meaningfully "Shepard is on her way."

I take that in, feeling the surprise sink into my features. I did not expect Shepard to come, not after the last news I had from Kaidan anyway. This should be fun.

Just like old times.

_Hobbs_

"_It's nice, Tempy." I take a small circle, looking over the room carefully – no expense spared apparently, Cerberus does not scrimp when it comes to pleasing their employees. In the tank that lines one wall fish lope aimlessly and I pause to watch them, before I turn, taking in her vision._

_I can't believe she is alive. _

_All this time we thought she was dead, and I had listened to Kaidan – right from the start when he told me he didn't think she was dead, that he could still _feel_ her, back when everyone thought he was a nut. I didn't believe him either. Figured it was grief, or some kind of nervous breakdown… but the man was right all along. _

_She sighs, moving her shoulders, leaning against the tank and pressing her forehead to the glass "It's all so fake Hobbs." She says bitterly "Everything is. It's all…" She trails off, looking away and I can see the deep sadness surge up from within her._

"_It must be overwhelming." I say gently "Finding your feet after two years."_

_She laughs, short and cold "Yeah." She mutters "You could say that."_

"_Talk to me Tempy." I say, dropping onto the bed. It's comfortable, better than standard issue anyway. "No one comes back to the dead without a few demons on your heels."_

_She smiles bitterly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, her face turned away from me she stares at the wall unblinking. "I don't know what you want me to say." She says shakily._

"_What do you think about?" I ask her "Up here on your own, you never have any crew up?"_

_She shakes her head, "Garrus, sometimes. But no, not really. There is a Drell – Thane – I've… he's really helped you know, helped me find purpose again." Then I see her shake a little, as though waking defences up that had dropped and she glances back at me, those eyes guarded once more. "You should probably go."_

_I drop my gaze, moving my shoulders "How long are you on the Citadel?" I ask careful to keep restrained hope from my voice._

"_We leave shortly." She says "we're just here to purchase couplings for the engine, and some provisions for the chef." _

"_Provisions for the chef?" I ask, raising my eyebrows and she returns it with a scowl._

"_I look out for my crew." She says hotly "I always have. Man says he needs better provisions, he gets them."_

_I smile, same old Tempy – no way Cerberus could fabricate that temper "And who looks out for you?" I ask her. _

_She looks at me, her mouth opening to speak but nothing comes out. Those beautifully full, curved lips stay open a moment, tremble slightly and then close as she turns away from me again, her head dropping into her chest as she shrugs._

"_I look out for myself Hobbs." She whispers cooly. _

_I slide my body toward her, swinging my legs round and onto the floor as I sit up, nudging shoulders with her playfully "I'm here." I say with a smile and she shakes her head, laughing, but I can hear tears in the sound._

"_You're about the only one." She says at last and then she does look at me, right at me, those large blue eyes filling my vision as rush headlong into those old feelings again – and they are warm and sweet and promising, and when I reach for her she doesn't disappear like smoke, I can feel her skin under mine; I can run my thumb over her lips and feel her breath coming short and hot._

_She blinks and tears spill down her cheeks silently and I feed my fingers into her hair, gently I move to her, pressing my lips to hers. She doesn't move, just sits still like stone, her hot breath blowing into my mouth as she trembles slightly._

_Then she kisses me back._

_Tentatively, unsure. I slip my arm around her back and she bends with me, leans into me, as we sink together onto the bed._

It was always going to suck; being the one not picked. Being the loser, but I never considered how much it would _kill_ me to see them together.

I drop my feet onto the little table and lean back in the couch, lacing my hands behind my head as I watch the fish swim lazily in the tank running the wall. The light is calming.

"Hobbs!" I hear her before I see her and the hiss of the door to my quarters tells me she is here, but I don't move. Don't even take a breath as she rounds the corner, spotting me sitting on the couch and thrusting her hands into her hips furiously.

"Abigail." I say crisply, giving her a small smile "What do I owe the pleasure?"

Her forehead creases as she glares at me, glancing around the room with an apparent territorial growl. "I want my fish back." She says hotly and I force my mouth not to smile as I move my shoulders gently.

"They're my fish Shepard." I say simply "Believe it or not you are not the only one in the universe with fish."

She huffs, her arms moving from her hips to fold over her chest "Why are you doing this Hobbs?" She asks, her temper rising as I continue to smile and relax; I love it. I'm not trying to wind her up but she's always been temperamental.

"I'm not _doing_ anything." I say moving my shoulders "What do you think I'm doing?"

She shakes her head "I made a mistake Hobbs. I told you that. I can't say anything else but sorry to you. You're acting like a child."

"Am I?" I ask and I see her nails dig into her arms where they are folded. She's starting to irritate me with her self-centred attitude "I didn't ask for this mission Major…" I know using her rank will sting, and the blow calms my rising anger "…I was assigned command of the Normandy. I was assigned this room. You have been out of the game, having a child and living a family life. Which is great Abigail, honestly it is. But you don't get to waltz back in and pick up where you left off. You chose to fall off the grid. You chose to leave this life behind, to leave these people behind. I requested that you and General Tight-Pants come on this mission in case the shit hits the fan, but if you can't handle the way it is, feel free to leave…"

I've made up my mind, committed to letting her know how things stand. I don't want to be harsh, but she needs to understand. She'll leave angry, with a smartass remark to sting me in return, but then she'll go away and rationalise it, and then she'll become the Legend I need her to be. Again. I look at her with my best authoritative glare.

"…but if you stay, get your shit together Shepard. We're done here." I say with finality and I can see the suppressed anger in her body language, the way she is straining not to bite her lip in anger.

"You know what, have the room." She huffs, waving a hand at me and storming back toward the door "but you're not going to get much sleep thinking about me and Kaidan in that bed!"

I frown at that one.

Ach, shit.

Most of these kids are too young, I knew it when I picked them, but a safe mission is the best to start your career with. There are five in total, five that I chose to fill the squad, all of them fresh to the Alliance, maybe only two with real potential.

Caleb Henderson is by far my favourite, not that I have favourites officially – but I like the kid. He's got a fire in him, something I can relate to, and he's an orphan – maybe it's that that made me give him the chance. Or maybe I just see a lot of myself in him.

I watch him as he straps his armour on, checking his weapons and his comms efficiently. He's not a bad looking kid, lean but with wiry muscles and a smattering of shaved dark hair on his head. His face is angular, but not strikingly cut, round enough to still be considered handsome I suppose and his green eyes don't miss anything.

Beside him Kaidan is climbing into his own armour – apparently Shepard thought it would be best they go protected – and I can see Henderson watching him with a wary, suspicious nature.

It makes me like him all the more.

"Do we know what we'll be doing on the ground?" One of the cadet's ask and I turn to see her looking at me expectantly with adoring eyes. Too young, mores to the pity, and I smile at her.

"We'll be waiting." I nod "While they talk."

"Are we expecting any resistance?" Henderson asks, his eyebrows rising sharply in hope and I clear my throat, the corners of my mouth twitching into a smile.

"About as much as Alenko's mom after a couple of Canadian lagers. Eh Kaidan?"

The furious glare I receive from the biotic is totally worth it.

"And by that," I add in case there was any doubt "I mean none whatsoever."


	12. Chapter 12

Title: The Miss-Adventures of Kaidan Alenko – Chapter Five  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. **You may not copy, distribute or edit this fanfiction as it stands without my expressed permission – thank you **  
Characters Featured: Liara Vega; Andrea Alenko; Abigail Shepard; Kaidan Alenko; Argyle Hobbins;

_Liara_

I watch the girls as they gather shells along the shoreline, each with a bucket in their hand, their laughter floating toward us as we pad along the damp sand after them. Ashley has 'Chief' the bear tucked under her other arm, an alarmingly dirty looking teddy full of dried beans that she has apparently had since birth. It's a sweet vision, innocent as they giggle and hold hands, bending every now and then to inspect a shell, a stone, some seaweed.

It's nice to see Adalia with a friend; back home the neighbours are cautious about letting their children play with her simply because she is Asari. There is still a lot of assumption about my race on this planet – the myth of Ardat Yakshi has been twisted beyond belief, some people believe it is a trait of every Asari.

But Ashley is a very accepting girl, but then I would expect nothing less with parents like Shepard and Kaidan, and she is the spitting image of both of them. The way her large blue eyes fix on you from her mother, her reserved manner from her father and a quiet, studious mystery stolen in her features when she thinks no one is looking.

She's an intense child, the polar opposite to Adalia who, thanks to her father more than myself, is rambunctious and loud and outwardly confident, shining like a star in supernova against the pale moonlight of Ashley. It doesn't make her more beautiful though, just more noticeable.

"She's holding back." Andrea continues, her dark eyes watching the water as the waves sweep up over the sand "Something Kaidan could never do at that age; I don't know whether to be grateful or scared about it."

I smile, I enjoy Andrea's company, I find it comforting to draw on her experience as a mother, and she always has a warm and friendly exterior even if internally she is more ferocious than a tigress. I know deep down it is only love for her son; love and a desire to protect him, something I suppose she has had to do her whole life; especially so given he was a biotic in a time when biotics were feared.

"I suppose she is a natural." I say, turning my attention back to the little girls ahead of us "I think she learns a lot from Adalia too. Children seem to be very resourceful."

"You have no idea." Andrea murmurs. She is quiet a long moment and then she sighs "How much do you know about this mission? Kaidan was very vague about what was going on."

"It's just his way." I say gently "I don't think he wanted to worry you."

She smiles at me, the breeze catching the loose strands of her dark curls and blowing them about her face. She is a beautiful woman. Her features are large without being too large for her face, open eyes the colour of brown sugar and her dark hair has lines of silver through the lengths but it only adds to her character. Her face is strong but it doesn't lack any femininity and I wonder why she hasn't sought another mate following the death of her husband during the Reaper war. Perhaps that is something humans don't do and I want to ask her, but I don't.

"I always worry about Kaidan." She says simply and the truth in the words hits me like a wave. I guess no matter how old our children get they will still be ours to protect even when they have grown capable themselves.

"Nana!" Ashley calls, running back with a twisted shell clutched in her hand "Look! Chief says you can hear the ocean if you put it to your ear!"

I look to Andrea who shakes her head in amusement "_Fille intelligente_!" She exclaims, her eyes full of pride and joy as she stoops to sweep Ashley's curls behind her ear "Go and gather some sea-glass and we can make your _maman_ a nice jewellery box." With that Ashley scuttles off, her teddy clutched under her arm jouncing as she runs.

She catches up to Adalia, depositing the shell in the bucket and the girls take off running again.

"I appreciate you having us here." I say to Andrea and I mean it. The alternative staying at home doesn't appeal when James is absent, there are too many people that look at me oddly being an Asari, but most know who James is, so I don't get much grief from them. "I hope we're not too much trouble."

She waves a hand at me "You and Adalia are welcome anytime Liara, you know that. Plus, it is handy having someone with biotics around to talk to… those were the loneliest years of my life with Kaidan – amazing how things change isn't it?"

I smile, the weight of those words not lost on me. "Yes." I say "It is."

-x-O-x-

_Shepard_

I raise my eyes looking to Wrex carefully.

"What do you mean gone?" I ask him, my heart hammering sluggishly in my chest as I take a steadying breath. My head spins wildly, as though someone has sucked the oxygen from my blood and my hands curl to fists at my sides as I stare through the Krogan.

"I mean," Wrex says quietly "It's gone. Not there anymore. An hour after the Asari exchanged communications with the ship in their Nebula a planet in the Orisoni system vanished."

The words ring out like a death-toll and nobody speaks as we all absorb that. Behind me I hear Hobbs breathing heavily through his nose, can almost hear the cogs inside his hear whirring over the implications already. Beside me Kaidan shifts his weight, a hand coming to rub the back of his neck and I feel grounded by that simple gesture – by the familiarity of the motion, the knowledge that this is real and not a dream.

Wrex is really here, on the Normandy, having this conversation. As soon as we landed he had been waiting with the news, demanding to speak to me urgently; I'm glad he did.

"Which planet?" Kaidan asks, almost hesitantly and Wrex moves his shoulders in response.

"Niacal. Means nothing to me. The important thing is a planet _vanished_." He says hotly, Krogan temper burning under a remarkably reserved surface for Wrex. I watch him warily, not that I don't trust him, but Wrex is worried – and that is never good. It can make him irrational.

"That's an inhabited planet, Shepard." Kaidan says beside me "Asari colonies have been living on there for some time with breathers and sealed buildings. If that planet vanished what happened to the people on it?"

I don't turn to look at him, I roll on the balls of my feet, feeling the tension in my legs as I shake my head "I don't know." I say honestly. "So here's what we have" I surmise "A no-show from the Salarians and the Asari on Tuchanka, a message intercepted from the Salarian's about joining forces with these new aliens, and a missing Asari planet." I take a shaky breath "Thoughts?"

I look to Kaidan and he looks as worried as I feel as he shakes his head "We're going on the assumption that they are responsible for this planet disappearing?" He asks and I don't dare answer; if I say yes, it means we're going to war again; if I say no I risk being too naïve.

"Who else would have dunnit?" Wrex grumbles and I sigh, jerking away from the table as I wipe my mouth absently.

"We can't decide anything until we meet with them." I say firmly "See what they have to say." I look to Wrex "I guess we had better get to your meeting." I back away from them, heading for the door leading out of the war room when a clearing of the throat stops me in my tracks.

I turn to look at Hobbs who has been abnormally quiet throughout the discussion and I can see now that he is in full business mode and I wince, realising it should have been his call. When Wrex came asking for me I let the old Commander come out and take over and Hobbs hasn't said a word to me since our last conversation in my old quarters and I've been avoiding him probably.

I should apologise, I know that. After taking the time to relax I was able to shed my ego - when did I get such an ego? – and realise that Hobbs was right. This wasn't his call; I shouldn't be angry at him – and that anger is probably for other things altogether.

As high a rank as he holds he still takes orders, and this mission was one of them.

I'll be damned if I'm going to tell him that. He's hurting though, I can see it in him like a bright light blaring out from behind a hollow wall, and I do feel for him. Maybe I'll apologise at some point.

I push those thoughts out of my head and force myself back into the present where Hobbs' commanding presence has taken hold of the room, From the simplest of gestures he has everyone's attention. The steel in his eyes and grim look set on his square jaw tells me there are no games being played now.

"Vega and I will be your military escort to this meeting" he says with fire in his voice as his firm eyes sweep over Kaidan and I.

"In light of this disturbing news, we're taking every precaution." He finishes with finality.

I don't want to argue, it makes sense to have visible backup if these things are responsible for destroying an entire Asari planet. His eyes come to rest on mine for a moment but before I can acknowledge him he turns to Wrex and the two of them begin discussing security arrangements for the upcoming meet.

I take this as my queue to duck out of the door.

-xx-O-xx-

_Kaidan_

She's scared.

Most people wouldn't see it, she still has that hard skin on, but I can see it. I've spent enough time with Shepard in the dark alcoves of the Normandy to recognise the signs: the grim set of her mouth; the nervous flick of her eyes; the twisting of her index fingers inside the gloves of her armour.

How can a planet disappear? A whole planet with colonies and people living on it, just vanish? It doesn't seem possible.

Hobbs bustles ahead of us, shouldering a rifle with a gaggle of young cadets around him. He has decided with the unexpected news of hostility we are to be escorted by armed guard to the meeting and back; I don't think it is necessary, both Shepard and I are armed with biotics as well as pistols and can handle ourselves, but I'm in no mood to argue with the man.

I follow beside her, musing at how we move in rhythm, wanting to reach for her and tell her everything will be fine but her attention is still on Wrex, and they are talking rapid-fire tactics that I can't hear clearly enough to contribute to.

We enter the stone hall and it is busier than I anticipated. Not only are the Quarians and Turians here but the Drell, Batarians, Elcor and Volus all have representatives standing around the edges of the room. They all look at us as we enter, the weight of tension in the room tangible as Shepard pauses taking in the scene slowly.

She glances back at me, turning slightly and whispers "I want you to go and report to Admiral Hackett what we've found out so far. Get back here quickly though." I go to argue but the look in her eyes is telling me it would not only be pointless, it would also be very stupid.

"Alright." I relent "Be careful." I touch her hand and she smiles gently.

"Go with him." Hobbs says to a young cadet at his side and I roll my eyes but let him do what he feels he must. The kid falls into step with me as I head back out into the sunlight.

"What's your name kid?" I ask him as we pick up out pace.

"Cadet Henderson, Sir." He says.

-xx-O-xx-

_Hobbs_

Shepard makes her way to the other end of the room with Wrex to talk with Garrus and I hang back with the other two cadets we have accompanying us. If something is to happen I need the distance to get a shot in, and to see what is happening clearly.

The room is large and long, the ceiling held by great stone pillars and at the far end is a large stone chair I can only assume is similar to a throne. There are strategic holes in the walls allowing sunlight in from outside and the light illuminates the artistry that covers the marble-smooth walls.

The widows are high, too high to climb out, the only exit being the open door we came through – this is my position then, to keep this door free of obstructions and allow an easy escape if it is needed. Lord knows, it would only take for one of the species in here to break wind and a fight could start.

"Something kicks off our priority is getting the General and Major out alive." I say quietly to the cadets, they look at me seriously.

Cadet Lowe gives a grim nod, her mouth set firmly in her round face "Got it sir." She says and beside her Cadet Indred shifts uncomfortably in his armour.

"Just be ready." I add "Spread out, keep yourselves to yourselves." I watch them as they take opposite sides of the room, positioning themselves roughly halfway – that will do.

I turn back to look for Shepard, my eyes settling on her with Garrus and Tali at the far end of the room. The noise of chatter is amicable at least, for now, and I take the time to run over each of the collective groups and their representatives.

Beside Shepard the Batarians stand with their arms folded, not speaking, just looking around the room with an unimpressed gaze. Batarian's are a bitch to fight, I can remember being in hand to hand with one, the only time I almost lost out – it's not something I want to repeat. Lucky today I have a nice gun between me and them this time and they look at me suspiciously, there is still some bad blood there from when Shepard destroyed their relay taking a whole system with it.

She had done it for the right reasons of course, in war there are always casualties.

Beside me the irritating scratch of the Volus breathers sound and I glance down at the rotund, squat aliens as they speak to each other in the native Volus language, I wonder idly if they are complaining about my smell, because I sure feel offended by theirs.

It's what I imagine a hamster would smell like when it's spent too long in a cage without it being cleaned. If hamsters smell at all. I'll have to ask Shepard, her own hamster I believe went home to her daughter as a pet.

And remembering that brings that old pain back.

I grit my teeth, shouldering my rifle just as the chatter dies out to silence. Raising my eyes again I can see the cause immediately.

Standing in the doorway is a group of five – at first I think men – for they are shaped like men, only tall – standing minimally seven foot and built almost as wide as Krogan, dressed in thick, white robes with long tapering hoods drawn up over their heads.

They enter as one, the whole room coming to a standstill in anticipation, and from where I stand they walk past me, the sound of heavy boots on the stone floor like a cold whisper in my heart. I shake my head clear, looking to my cadets who are already moving toward the back of the room, their faces white and I curse under my breath, damn idiots shitting their pants.

Don't get me wrong, you can shit your pants as a soldier, lord knows I've done it plenty of times. Been the worst kind of hypocrite too – swearing God out and then praying to him to help me when the chips are down – but you can't ever let it _show. _If you let it show you are as good as dead.

I move to the side of the room, inching my way toward Shepard, who's gaze is riveted on the newcomers. She turns, her face a hard visage of determination and will as she looks over each tall figure in turn. Beside her Wrex takes a step forward, assuming authority over the proceedings with a simple movement.

"At last." He grunts, his nostrils flaring as he takes in the scent of the newcomers.

Black hands, blacker than space even, and unbelievably odd looking under the Tuchanka sunlight, slip from the long white sleeves and slide the thick hoods back. My breath whistles out and I realise I have been holding it all along as I take in the sight.

Before them, the mighty Krogan – Urnot Wrex the battlemaster – takes a hesitant step back.

This is not good.

They look human. Oddly human, and not, all at once. They are shaped like men, round hairless heads, shoulders, torso, thick arms and legs and under the robes I can see the glint of silvery armour, but it's their faces that make them odd. Their eyes are large and flat and as black as their skin – absent irises of any kind – just black voids in their heads.

There is one standing to the front of the group, slightly ahead of the rest and he addresses Wrex with an assuredness and a confidence that makes the blood stop in my veins. Blinking lashless lids he casts his gaze slowly over the room.

When his gaze reaches me I feel fear like ice water washing over my skin and subconsciously find myself trying to move toward Shepard but I can't. That soul-less gaze has me rooted to the spot. I try again, to move my legs, to ready my gun, but still I am unable until his gaze leaves mine and I am returned to functionality.

"I come bearing message." He says and his voice is incredibly low, it reminds me of a Batarian – the same low, dangerous growl rattling in his throat and as his mouth moves I glimpse sharp teeth inside, four noticeable incisors on each side of the mouth amongst rows of canines. "You must surrender your planets to us and fall in line with the Empire or fall under us. This is your only choice. How do you answer the conclave?"

I blink, who speaks like that? And what the hell does it mean?

"Fall in line and do what?" Wrex asks, and I am genuinely surprised to hear the question even being asked, I expected him to just launch into an attack being addressed so, but I suppose the Krogan have a lot more to lose since the genophage was ended.

"You are to be repurposed as drones for the Empire. You will work for us, build for us, carry for us." Again the line is delivered with no emotion, just a cold, dark stare and absolute confidence in his words.

No one speaks, no one moves, there is a thin perspiration to the air and suddenly it feels like I cannot fill my lungs enough to speak. I look to Shepard, expecting to see that hardened soldier there, but instead is the woman, her eyes wide with apparent fear and I know this is not good – she has forgotten herself; forgotten the legend she is and more importantly what she is capable of.

"I think you underestimate us." The words are out of my mouth before I know it, and I scrabble to suck them back in, but the group of newcomers has turned to face me once more. Their black faces splitting into maniacal grins, as they look me up and down.

I feel those tendrils of fear sinking through my skin again, curling around my organs and squeezing my lungs until I think I'll never breathe again. Each breath my last as it rattles through my throat, cresting my lips, condensation gathering there as I blink; steady my nerves, lick my lips and raise my chin.

"I think our worst fighter could best any of yours any day." I say, fighting hard to keep the shakes from my voice as I look at one – the one slightly ahead of the others, focusing on his black eyes, focusing on that soulless void as though it were the only escape from this room – the only doorway to hell I've ever seen. I force myself to what I hope sounds like an arrogant laugh and the fear loosens its grip on me as I slip into a cocky grin.

He laughs.

It's as low as a growl and just as cruel, rumbling from his bowels and shaking his whole frame as he bellows and the others around him join in.

"I accept that challenge Earthling." He says between the laughter and my fear is momentarily punctuated by relief. Finally we can learn something about them.

I swallow, steadying my nerves once more as I take a breath – the black gaze making perspiration mist my forehead "In fact…" I say, my voice losing its confidence and so I ham it up a bit "I'm so sure of it, I'm going to let a woman handle it!"

I feel more than see Shepard's gaze slide over to me, but I can't look at her right now, I hold that black gaze until the face splits into a grin again and an arm comes up, black palm spreading wide as it waves one of the group forward.

The alien that steps up is slightly taller than the first, but his features are the same, and when he locks eyes with me I feel that same cold, sinking weight in my gut. The herald of doom sounding in my ears.

"Dakthaar." The first alien intones, indicating the brute that has stepped forward "Our best here today against your woman."

The selected alien – Dakthaar – turns, unravelling ties that hold his robes against him and I feel a rough hand on my arm pulling my gaze from the aliens with ferocity.

"Your woman!?" She hisses in a hot whisper and I finally look down at Shepard, her face is furious, her eyes narrowed almost to slits "Are you insane? Pitting me against… I'm half his size Hobbs dammit!" Her eyes are blazing fire now, no traces of the woman she was. Shepard is back, just the way we need her to be.

I catch my breath, laying my hands on her shoulders heavily "You're Abigail Shepard damnit!" I exclaim "You eat Reapers for Breakfast.. You have to remember that. You can. Do. This. We need something– like old times… remember?" My motivational speech seems to be lost on her as she meets my gaze stonily.

At last she sighs, her shoulders slumping as she nods "Alright." She says quietly "Don't let Kaidan in. If he tries to intervene it'll be over."

"You got it." I say calmly "Go get him Temps." I watch her as she stalks to the other side of the room once more, rolling her shoulders inside her red N7 armour to break in movement.

The alien they called Dakthaar is shedding his own armour, great silvery armour that looks like it belongs in some medieval museum rather than on these beasts. Turning to face her at last he is wearing armour from the waist down and nothing else; black torso exposed gives me no information, it looks largely human in form – longer to compensate for the increase in height.

His arms are larger than I had originally thought, bunched with sinew and muscle that weaves around his torso and all the way up to his neck.

He looks at her, simply standing, waiting for her to move. She eyes him up and their height difference is thrown into stark relief now that they are in close proximity.

I'm not concerned, though I wonder if I should have taken on the fight myself. Now that I stand here, watching, I wish I had. But I needed to prove a point, needed a show of strength. The air seems to get thick as the familiar blue crackle of Shepard's Biotic power springs up around her. She stares her opponent down, blue fire dancing in her hard blue eyes.

The alien grins widely and takes a menacing step towards Shepard who stands with her chin raised in defiance. Before the alien can reach her she launches a biotic assault, firing a great wave of power directly toward her opponent. It hits squarely, the sound like a metallic crash reverberating throughout the hall.

I look on anxiously but as the biotic explosion fades Dakthaar stands there untouched as before, moving inexorably closer. Shepard is as speechless as I feel and I can see she struggles to move at the last second, narrowly avoiding a blow which thunders through the air almost quicker than I can register.

She rolls along the ground and brings herself back up to face her opponent again.

He turns confidently and hunkers down low. He's preparing for a strike across a long distance.

Surely Shepard will be able to telegraph the move. Before the alien attacks her Biotic aura blazes furiously around her swirling and swelling before winking out. I am confused, but have no time to think before the alien springs into life. He is so fast that it's like watching water flow from one position to the next.

Again Shepard manages to evade, barely, the oncoming assault and I am startled by the true speed of their warriors but I notice that the blazing aura is back, concentrated in brilliant burning blue billowing around her clenched fists. To have such control over her Biotic ability is a wonder and this trick is certainly a new one.

She springs up into life with a furious assault of her own but Dakthaar dodges effortlessly the first blow. I watch as the air around Shepard's fist explodes as her arm extends and the Alien has to roll his head away from the blinding light that follows it. A second blow connects with its chest and I see the Alien stumble back a few steps.

There is something unreadable in his eyes as he looks at Shepard now. If I didn't know any better I'd have called it shock.

The alien dances back into the fray and it's clear that he is no longer playing games. Shepard dodges a vicious haymaker but is caught by an immediate follow up of a swift kick to the chest. She tumbles backward and sprawls over the floor, dust puffing up in the air around her.

My heart leaps into my throat and I have to stop myself from jumping into the action. Behind the warrior the rest of the aliens stand watching the scenario unfold with the same dull lifeless gaze as before. Shepard slowly gets back to her feet but Dakthaar is in motion again.

He's on her before she has a chance to get to her feet and my heart stops dead in my chest as he launches a boot into her gut. She cries out, her back connecting solidly with the wall behind her as she is lifted full-body from the ground by the blow. She topples in the dirt again and Dakthaar turns, raising his arms in almost a victory cheer to the laughter and approval of the other aliens.

"Come on Tempy…" I whisper, willing her to get to her feet. She presses hands to the floor, blood running from her mouth as she shakily pushes herself up on her knees. She wipes a gloved hand over her burst lip, spitting blood to the side as she shakes her head clear again, taking a staggering step back into the fight.

In the next exchange, Shepard does a better job of blocking. A rough shoulder takes her by surprise, slamming hard into her Jaw but she rolls with the motion of the strike and follows with an uppercut which explodes into the stomach of the creature.

He hunches over slightly as the blow which would have obliterated a man connects and the second is all Shepard needs. She slips to the side and rams her foot home with all of her weight against the back of one of the warriors legs. Nothing breaks, but the blow is enough to hurt as Dakthaar collapses under the weight and goes down on one knee.

All of a sudden their size is a non-factor and Shepard rears up a great double handed strike high above her head. Time slows in that instant and I cannot help but admire the beauty of the scene, Shepard standing over the kneeling threat, her hands erupting in a fountain of blue, power spilling out of her. Grim determination is etched hard across a beaten face and she delivers the blow with as much force as she can possibly muster. The alien drops to both knees but is still not floored. Again and again she hammers home the same blow but the alien still does not go down.

Brilliant light flashes and the deafening sound like thunderclaps explode against my ears with every blow and I look on transfixed. When Shepard's rage finally dies the Alien is left on his knees, purple – blood I'm presuming – flowing freely from its once arrogant mouth. Still it is not down though and after putting a few paces between them Shepard looks back at it with a look of exasperation.

It begins to pull itself up to its feet but she does not give it the chance. The blazing aura springs up around her entire body again, blazing brighter than I've ever seen it. In this moment she is a goddess of destruction as power radiates from her. Watching the scene unfold I forget the feeling of fear and unease which had a hold of me.

If Shepard could be this strong, so could I. So _would_ I.

She channels the power for a moment and it blasts out of her, racing across the gap in a heartbeat like a blazing lance of death. It impacts violently against the fallen figure and a brilliant light engulfs the entire room. It is so bright I have to shield my eyes from the burn.

When the light dies I turn back to look at the site of the aftermath. The Alien is no more. All that is left is a blood spattered radius that has stained those immaculate white robes of the Conclave. Shepard is covered in it head to toe and staring defiance wildly at our would-be oppressors.

Without a word she turns from them and strolls back, taking her place a few feet away from me. My heart is swelling with pride and I have completely forgotten about all the awkwardness that stands between us. I see her jaw flex as she looks hard at the other aliens; I follow her gaze and they are looking at her with what looks like approval.

"You have spirit." The one who had spoken before says "But we know of your Shepard."

That catches me off guard and I let it show before I can mask it eliciting another grin from him that boils my blood.

"It appears _you _have underestimated us – you think we didn't know of your greatest accomplishment? Your greatest hero?" He shakes his head in an eerily human manner "And if that is the best you have, I am unconcerned with your resistance. You have made your decision clear. I will return your answer to the conclave and your people will be beaten to submission by the Val'Raknar." He pauses a moment longer, his gaze sweeping the room once more before he exits, the other aliens following after him.

Beside me I hear Shepard let out a wheezing breath as nervous chatter erupts inside the hall suddenly. She bends, leaning her hands on her knees as she draws in deep, great breaths, her hair hanging in her face as she pants at last.

"Alright Tempy," I say in a loud whisper "Spill it, what have we got?"

She looks at me, spitting blood onto the floor and catching her breath "The whole front…" She breathes "The whole front is bone, impenetrable. I have no idea how but it's like hitting a wall – solid." She pauses, pressing a hand to her ribs and wincing "They're fast, too fast to get a reasonable grip to try and break something, but they feel strong – I don't think their bone is the same, it's not brittle."

I frown "A weakness Tempy." I prompt her and she shakes her head.

"The skin." She says quietly "It's reflective… like a Turian, tough, not scaly."

"And?" I press.

"Well," She smiles "there has to be a reason for that – evolution happens to overcome something that is harming the species, if we can work out why they need reflective skin then we can exploit it to use against them."

I watch her carefully a minute as she stands once more, pressing a hand to her ribs "That's not a lot." I say quietly.

Her eyes are hard and determined as she locks gazes with me "It's enough for a start."


	13. Chapter 13

Title: The Miss Adventures of Kaidan Alenko Chapter Six  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. **You may not copy, distribute or edit this fanfiction as it stands without my expressed permission – thank you **  
Characters Featured:

_Kaidan_

Her face fills the screen suddenly, large blue eyes that are bright and smiling, framed by bouncing black curls. The apples of her cheeks are pink and rosy, long lashes blink close at the camera and a high pitched squeal makes the speaker whine as she realises it's me.

"Daddy!" She cries, backing off a little, Chief the bear clutched under her chin "When are you coming home?!" Her face drops into a pout – the same look I have seen a million times on her mother and I smile, dropping my gaze so she doesn't see the tears of relief in my eyes.

Not that I doubt my mother, I just hate not having Ashley with us.

"Hey baby." I smile, raising my eyes at last when I am sure there is nothing but love and happiness in them "We'll be home soon little princess. Are you being good for Nana?"

She goes to speak, little mouth opening when I hear my mother call from the next room: "Ashley! Dites votre papa que nous lui avons fait son gâteau à la carotte préféré aujourd'hui!"

She smiles looking at me and I shake my head. I was never at home enough to pick up the fluent French of my mother and I have no idea what she is saying, but Ashley grins wickedly at me and cups a hand to her mouth as she whispers exaggeratedly to the camera.

"Nana says we made your favourite cake today daddy." She smiles "Où est la maman?"

This one I do understand and I clear my throat "She's here baby, she's… talking with some people. I need to get back to it, I just wanted to check you were ok." I make to disconnect but my mother looms into vision, an apron wrapped around her waist she wipes her hands roughly on the fabric.

"Ne le laissez pas partir! Je veux lui parler." She says and Ashley backs away, blowing a kiss to me with her tiny hands.

"Je t'aime papa!" She calls to me "Come home soon!" I press a hand to the screen, glimpsing her as she rushes out the room her dress flying out behind her. I can hear her delighted screams fade as she crashes through the house once more.

My attention is stolen then by my mother who tilts the camera to look at her, the weathered line of her mouth set firmly as she looks at me carefully. I break the silence first.

"Mom," I say gently "For the Gods… please… stop with the French. Soon I won't actually be able to talk to her."

My mom smiles "You could always learn Kaidan." She says dismissively "What's going on? Everything alright?"

I nod "Everything is fine mom." I promise her "We've just arrived; once we get this meeting over with we'll be heading back."

"I'm worried about this bear business." She says bluntly and I roll my eyes, this same argument rears its head every time my mom babysits.

"I told you, we've had her to the doctor about it. He says it's normal for a child her age to have imaginary friends. Be thankful it's a teddy bear… I've heard of worse." She shakes her head at me, the reasoning apparently tired, but I'll argue it until I die. She loves that bear; I'll not have her parted with him. "I really have to go." I try, and she nods.

"Be careful Kaidan. Come home. You and Abby." She says and there is something dark in her look; something that sets me on edge and I don't dare ask about it. Instead I nod, glancing down at my feet briefly, and when I return my gaze to the screen the call has been disconnected. I frown.

"Sorry Kaidan." Joker's voice sounds on my Comm "We lost the signal somehow, but it looks like Shepard is back anyway, you might want to head up here and see wh-" His voice drops into low static and I tap the speaker, don't tell me the Alliance reneged to check the comms before we set off?

I pivot on my ankle, the creak and snap of my armour the only sound as I stride from my quarters and into the mess. As I enter I can see Hobbs walking, Shepard just behind him and the two young cadets they had with them fan out, pausing as they all look at each other silently.

I hesitate, they look as white as death, and then I see Abby. Her lip is split, blood staining her chin as she looks to me, her eyes are bleary and rimmed red from dust irritation, a bruise beginning to colour on the side of her cheek.

"What happened?" I blurt, and I'm moving without even having to will it, I move to her and she waves me off before I reach her, but I'm not being deterred, my hand comes to her face and she winces looking away from me, avoiding my eyes. I can feel the cadets watching us, youth making them smirk and nudge each other – but I don't care. We're non-combatants here, or at least we're supposed to be, the usual rules about fraternisation don't apply.

"We met our new friends." Hobbs says quietly "Shepard took one out."

Her eyes come to mine then, I can feel her hand come to my forearm, the grip there telling me to stay calm, to let it go, but the words tumble out of my mouth quickly.

"And where were you?" I ask him hotly, turning my attention to Hobbs. He looks at me hard, his turquoise eyes blazing defiance at the question.

"Go and get yourselves stripped." He tells the cadets, waiting as they walk to the elevator, step inside. He doesn't speak again until the doors slide closed behind them leaving only us three in the mess hall.

"We had to put on a show of strength. Shepard's a big girl. You think I would have let her go toe to toe with one if I didn't think she could do it?" He asks heatedly and I turn, Shepard's hand comes across me in an attempt to defray the situation but I'm too hot, too hot and emotional and damn angry to be swayed by the touch.

"I don't think you think at all!" I shout, "You let her take on one of these new aliens?"

"She can do it." He says "She _did_ do it Kaidan – you're holding her back!"

The words hit me like a physical blow and I feel my biotics flare to life around me "She could have been killed." I say, striving to keep hold of my cool as I take a menacing step toward him. It only incites him further and he presses toward me until there is only a couple of feet between us.

"We could all be killed." He retorts "Shepard was the best chance we had at pushing out a show of strength, at learning something about them – you know anyone else who can investigate their biology by kicking the shit out of them?" he takes a sharp breath "If it had been me, Vega – hell maybe even you Kaidan – the effect would have been lost. It was a tactical decision to try and spook them – there's nothing to Shepard, if she could take one down I thought it would put some fear in them – it backfired. They know who she is."

"Guys!" Shepard's voice sounds between us and I feel her hands press on the chest-plate of my armour "Stop it! Please!"

"You were supposed to be protecting her!" I shout "Not handing her over to be some kind of tactical bait!"

"Stand down General!" He roars "She's standing right in front of you! She's fine! If you had any faith in her you would have known that just like I knew she would be! Just like I know she always will be. That's why it was me by her side on the SR2 while you were breaking her apart on Horizon!"

I don't know what happens. I blink – the moment suspended it seems in blackness – and when I open my eyes again Hobbs is wiping his bloodied nose and Shepard is screaming at me to stop. I don't even know what happened, but Hobbs doesn't look concerned. He plants his hands on his hips in an authoritative stance.

"I'm not going to fight you Kaidan" he says firmly but the blood is in my ears and rage is in my heart.

He is the only thing I see, his arrogance, his cockiness, his history with Abigail is filling my vision. I can see his hands on her skin – his mouth at the curve of her throat and I lose it then.

I rush at him and rear back a wild haymaker but Hobbs blocks it effortlessly. I am undeterred and I launch a furious assault at him. I am attacking him at blistering speed but I cannot find an opening anywhere. Every time he blocks me and I feel a jolt of pain lance through my body with every blow. It spikes my rage and I launch myself forward with renewed frenzy.

I cannot think as I attack, and to my joy I find an opening and send a fist thundering home against his stupidly square jaw.

The pain that jars in my hand is dulled as I watch Hobbs stagger back from the blow and I am satisfied for a moment, before I realise I have made a mistake.

He is looking at me again with a dark look in his eyes. He doesn't say anything, just closes the gap between us with a single step. I throw a punch but it is blocked aggressively and in the next instant pain explodes in my face. I feel like I've been hit by an anvil as white spots dance about my vision. For a moment I forget where I am, but the Normandy comes blurring back into vision and I can feel numbness in my face. I don't need to know that the coppery taste in my mouth is blood to know that my nose is out of joint.

I don't even have a moment to think before Hobbs' large frame is on me again. I throw up my hands defensively but he slaps them away mercilessly and slams home those large devastating fists in a flurry of furious intensity.

Each blow sends my vision spinning to darkness and back and it is agony. I try to push him away but I feel his rough hands grabbing me by the collar and throwing me backwards to the ground. The ferocity of it makes me feel like a ragdoll but I am glad of the pain in my back. It has given me a moment to breathe and a chance to forget about the pain in my face.

He straddles me heavily, pinning me under his surprising weight. I try to move but he has my hips pinned tight and I'm going nowhere. I throw a shoulder up and cover my face with my hands but he grabs them roughly and pins them to the floor as well. I open painful eyelids to see he is a mere inch from my face. There is menace in his eyes and I am taken aback by it.

"Stop Kaidan." he presses firmly and I wonder what exactly it is he wants me to stop.

Getting pummelled to death wasn't my first choice of how this would go. I make to reply but find that my words won't come out. I stare into his face and I can feel my rage come blazing back into life.

I picture his arrogant grin and him putting Abigail's life in danger. I picture the look on Ashley's face again as she saw me, of the look on her face when I have to tell her that Mommy isn't coming home. It is too much for me to handle and I feel something inside me snap. I can feel my Biotics spring to life, crackling against the stale air between us.

"STOP IT!" I hear Shepard screaming and she's behind him now, pulling his arm and trying to get him off me.

This has been a long time coming though – this has been boiling since the war, under the surface.

I bring my knee up, catching him where he is most vulnerable and I tip him off me.

He rolls and it's my turn to gain the upper hand. I ram my fist into his face delighting in the feel off his nose burst under my hand and eagerly raise another blow but this time he grabs my fist and squeezes it hard.

I can hear knuckles crack and all of a sudden I feel my weight shifting down too quickly. His head rises up to meet mine and there is an explosion in my ears and my vision goes dark. I feel myself falling to the ground and exhaustion starts to creep up on me. I force it back, remembering each time he called me friend and then took Abby to his bed, knowing how I still felt about her.

"Stop!" I can hear her stronger now. She is at my side, trying to catch my arms as I struggle to get to my feet. I use her weight as a stabilising post and pull myself to my feet with her help. The black, dark sludge of hatred is coursing through every fibre in my body now, fuelled in equal parts by determination, anger and embarrassment. My biotics hum louder and I can feel the power radiate out of control.

"Joker!" Shepard is screaming somewhere – I've lose sight of her now "Joker! James get here _NOW_!"

I am at Hobbs again and I throw a wild punch. Again he blocks effortlessly and pulls me into a grip which has me unable to move. Again.

I am humiliated, embarrassed and enraged all at once, and my fury cannot be contained. I forget who I am. All I know is I am a boiling ball of rage and hatred and my will shall not be denied.

"Get off me!" I roar, and I feel my biotics slipping from my control, it's like trying to keep a hold of an ice cube fresh out of a glass of soda – I briefly remember unleashing my power, of killing a man. I don't care. I've been pushed too far to care anymore.

I wriggle a hand loose and thrust towards his throat but he stops me an inch away. I can hear Shepard screaming but I am past the point of no return. I feel the power swell in me and I buckle under its weight. I let go with a roar and feel the power blaze out of me, blasting out in a wave in all directions. I feel the constraints that held me loosen and disappear and for a moment I am nothing but energy.

When I regain my senses I can see the destruction I have caused. Hobbs is pulling himself to his feet through the wreckage of a table and strewn chairs. I can see one of his arms dangling limply by his side. I am numbly aware of a tinge of regret in my gut.

Blood is trickling from his nose and a large purple welt can be seen spreading across his neck. I can't see Shepard anywhere but Hobbs is staring at me with controlled aggression.

He might look hurt, but he is not backing down. He steps towards me and I step towards him. My biotics are exhausted but I know I can punish him now that he has the use of only one arm. I ready myself. He'll still be a handful.

Pain explodes in bright lights against my vision and I am lifted from my feet. I hurtle through the air helplessly, racing towards the Normandy walls. I expect to be slammed into the wall and brace for the impact but am surprised when I come to rest firmly but gently against the metal panels.

I cannot move.

I'm thoroughly bound, and look around for the source of this intervention. I can see that Hobbs is restrained in a similar fashion against the opposing wall, though it looks as though his restraint was more forceful than mine. That gives me some comfort, briefly, as I see Shepard strolling into the middle of the room, a calm blue aura of her biotics gently emitting from her body.

She looks worse for wear, more bruised than before and it dawns on me with startling realisation that when I unleashed my Biotics Hobbs wasn't the only person hurt by them. The guilt of it rushes through me and I cannot meet Shepard's intense glare. She has been beaten, battered, bruised and exhausted, and she is still handling us both as though we are children.

And in that moment, I feel like a child and I am ashamed.

"Trust you to bring Biotics to a fist fight." I hear Hobbs say calmly, almost petulantly

"Shut it!" Shepard screams, whirling on the man in a fury "Look at you two?!" She cries, and she turns, her eyes coming to mine this time and I drop my gaze. "We're about to go to war again; I struggled to take out even one of their soldiers and you two want to start fighting each other?!"

She moves to me, her blue eyes hard as I finally meet her gaze. She has a fresh bruise on her cheekbone and her nose is bleeding once more and I know that is on me this time. I hate myself.

"He was right." She says weakly "I was there Kaidan, it was the right call. We had to learn what we could about them. I'm the only one with enough knowledge to make any hand-to-hand more than just blood-sport. He made the right call."

I hear her words but they don't deflate my anger, it's the sight of her that does that, the things I can see between the cracks of that steel armour she wears. The tiredness in her eyes, the subtle but firm grip she has on her side with her hand, the minute limp as she turns from me walking back toward Hobbs.

"And you." She says hotly "Keep your hands to yourself. You lay a finger on my husband again and you will have to deal with me. Kaidan is acting out of love for me; you know that, don't ever use it as an excuse to unleash on him again."

"He started it!" Hobbs barks back and she squares against him menacingly.

"You want me to finish it?" She lowers her voice menacingly and I gulp audibly. Hobbs looks unfazed though, but I can see the discomfort in his eyes.

"I will defend myself when I'm attacked" he manages, but the acknowledgement is there in his tone.

She turns back to me "And you." She says icily "I thought we were past this." I swallow, opening my mouth to speak but I have nothing for her "You're supposed to trust me Kaidan. You said that. We're supposed to be stronger than this." I expect her fury but instead she shakes her head at me, disappointment on her features as the blue hum of her biotics winks out and I topple unceremoniously to the ground.

It's then I see Joker in the doorway, his expression a mixture of confusion and worry as he glances around the scene "O…k." He breathes "Can we take a break from fighting each other long enough to figure out what the hell is wrong with my ship?"

-xx—O—xx—

_Shepard_

I follow Joker back through the belly of the Normandy, pass the galaxy map where CIC officers are flitting to and from consoles in a hurry, up the gangway and into the cockpit as he strides over to his chair, leaning forward to tap the controls in an attempt to display the issue.

"The comms are just…gone." He says shaking his head, tipping the front of his cap idly as he sinks to sit back in his chair. It occurs to me that Joker is looking a mite fitter these days, his shirt is tight around new muscle definition that wasn't there before.

"I had the AI scan the ship and he can't find anything mechanical at fault." He frowns, slamming a hand onto the control deck in a temper "I can't figure it out – and we can't _go_ anywhere without it, the nav system is all shot as well."

I blink taking in his rant slowly "The Normandy has an AI again?" I ask hopefully "Is it EDI?"

Jeff looks at me closely, shaking his head "No." He says sadly "No, EDI was unrecoverable Shepard. And the new AI is a… well it's a male voice; and shackled. The Alliance didn't want to trust another AI so soon after defeating the Reapers, they labelled EDI an anomaly, but no. It's standard issue to have an AI on board the ships now, and an Artificial Defence and Maintenance bot that can go outwith the ship to repair and help… you know – like EDI but not, really it's just shitting on her memory."

"Oh." I drop my gaze and he doesn't say any more but I know bringing it up is painful for him – whatever it was Joker felt for our old AI it was real; as real as the friendship I made with her, and the choice – while I could never have made another – was not an easy one because of it.

"I forget you've been out of the loop Shep." He smiles, "You need to know anything just ask. Most of my time has been spent helping upgrade this baby – and developing plans for standard ships in the Alliance military." He puffs his chest out almost proud "I meant to come by more often – I miss the munchkin; she probably doesn't even remember me now right?"

I smile "She remembers her uncle Joker." I assure him and that same pride wells in his eyes as he turns back to the dash. "So how do we fix this?" I ask him "We need to be able to leave, to get back to Earth – these new aliens are not up for playing nice and we have to let the Alliance know that while we wait for their move."

"I can keep running diagnostics." He says, frustration creeping back into his tone once more "It's about all we can do at the moment. I have Adam scanning the systems more in depth – it should be complete tomorrow morning. Only thing I can suggest is waiting."

"Adam?" I smirk and he moves his shoulders.

"It's just a mnemonic Shepard. Don't read too much into it."

"I've had my share of surprises for today Joker. If you start making out with a male AI – I think my brain might just explode." I tease him and he laughs, low and warm and I am reminded how much I like the man.

"You mean like earlier? What did I walk in on there? Those guys looked ready to rumble."

I smile nodding as I touch my fingers to the bruise on my cheek "Yeah, some testosterone malfunctions for sure. I'll talk to them when they've calmed down."

"Alright." He sighs "I'll start running diagnostics again. Go get your head down Major, could be a long wait."

I take his advice, patting his shoulder as I turn to leave once more and he stops me with a sharp intake of breath "Something else you should probably know." He says gently "I doubt you will have been given a crew roster."

I pause, glancing over my shoulder at him.

"Spooner is here.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: The Miss Adventures of Kaidan Alenko Chapter Seven  
Author: DinkyMew  
Game: Mass Effect (3+)  
Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and content related to the Mass Effect franchise. Abigail Shepard is my own creation inspired by the character of Jane Shepard created by Bioware. Any original characters contained herein are my own creations and are not necessarily affiliated with Bioware. **You may not copy, distribute or edit this fanfiction as it stands without my expressed permission – thank you **

_Spooner_

_My eyes flutter open long before my consciousness actually creeps back in. _

_The room is small, lit by one suspended bulb from the ceiling beside me. It casts a pool of light on the floor, my shadow long in its centre, while the corners and walls are dark. I know this room too well, with my eyes closed I can trace the cracks in its foundation, the boarded up window, the rust covered metal plates erected to block gaping holes in the infrastructure. _

_Where it is I am less sure of – but you hear things, in the dark, when they think they have you out cold; whisperings that give clues, vehicles in the distance, rumblings of plans from dirty, blackened Batarian mouths. _

_They want me for the information I can give them, and for a bargaining chip to try and get their hands on Shepard – my Shepard, my girl – risen beyond what I could have hoped for her and now number one on the Batarian hit list. _

_What they don't know is she thinks I'm dead – the Alliance think I'm dead, I've been gone too long, my status will have expired. Even before the Batarian's found me I was dead. I guard that secret though – the minute they find that out, I am no longer valuable to them. _

_The manacles that hold my arms above my head have bit into my wrist, the wounds broken and healed so often even the slightest movement erupts agony in my hands and so I force myself to hang still – I focus on bracing the tips of my bare toes on the concrete floor, on using that small purchase to stop my body swinging._

_I begin to sweat with the exertion, exhaustion closing in rapidly as the muscles in my arms give off that familiar, long ache and blackness fades into my vision. I've lost count of the days, the hours – I can't remember when I last ate. It must have been some time ago, because I have lost the need to pass waste, my body is slowly shutting down. _

_I hear footsteps outside the room, heavy and solid and I lose the grip on the concrete, the momentum swinging my body slightly. I hiss as the manacles dig deep, slicing a fresh cut and suck in a deep breath, focusing on the heat of my blood as it runs down my forearm toward my face. It drips onto my cheeks like rain; like tears from the lord himself and I hold my breath as the door cracks open, the rust howling as the hydraulics pull the door apart. _

_I open my eyes, expecting to see my captors, but instead I am confronted by light – bright and shining directly in my eyes, the torchlight of a rifle. It dips, moving to the ground momentarily and I blink trying to refocus my eyes as the figure takes a step toward me. _

_It's a man, clad in black and masked, the breath in the helmet scratching as he takes a few deep breaths._

"_Lieutenant Stewart Cooper?" He asks me, and I blink at him stupidly, the name sounds vaguely familiar, but I am too exhausted to connect the meaning – this has to be a dream, or a hallucination, I've finally lost it._

"_Sir?" The voice tries again as I drop my head and I feel a gloved hand on my forehead, tilting my head back "Stewart Cooper?" He asks again and the touch is like electricity to me, I can feel it. Really feel it, and the sudden realisation that this is no dream brings tears to my eyes. _

"_Who…"I breathe slowly "Who are you?" I ask him, the words sound jumbled in my head and I have to pause to consider how to speak them – my voice has been unused for so long save for screaming it sounds alien in my ears._

_The man reaches behind his head, removing the mask with a fluid movement. The face behind the mask is handsome, mousy brown hair mussed and sticking at all angles, a thin shadow of beard covering his strong jaw. Green-blue eyes meet mine hard, hold my gaze unwavering as he throws the mask aside._

"_My name is Hobbs." He says quietly "I was here to… well – that doesn't matter now. I promised someone I would get you out."_

_I blink at him, shaking my head and wincing as the movement causes the manacles to bite further "Who…" I breathe "Who did you promise?"_

"_Shepard." Hobbs breathes, his voice calm and soothing, but I detect a hint of pain there as he reaches up for the manacles "Abigail Shepard."_

"Working on the guns?"

The voice is thick and warm and laced with kindness and it takes me by surprise, I flinch before I can catch myself and turn slightly to see the shuttle pilot craning his neck to see over my shoulder what I am doing.

"Oh. Hi." I say stiffly, setting the pieces on the worktop "Yeah." I turn to face him properly, trying to be polite, but I have been removed so long from company it feels awkward and forced. Don't get me wrong, I've seen Shepard regularly, visiting with my granddaughter is one of the highlights of my life, but that's different – that's not strangers, in a strange setting and on strange topics.

"Steve." He says offering me a hand and I take it, giving myself a moment to commit the name to his face. I'm not so good at that lately either. I can't count how many times I've called Abby's husband Keith.

"Steve." I repeat, and his blue eyes hold mine firmly "My name is Spoo… uh… Stewart." I smile awkwardly. "Stewart Cooper."

He lets go of my hand and folds his arms over his chest "You're new on here. Don't think I had the chance to say hi earlier."

"Right." I nod "Been out of the Alliance for some time, figured this was a nice way to ease back in to it."

He actually laughs, and I congratulate myself a little, I must be doing something right if I can get a smile from the guy "Don't stick around too long." He teases "You might get sucked into hell, has a tendency to happen around Shepard."

"Really?" I ask and he just smiles at me some more, his eyes twinkling a little and I feel the chemistry between us like a third person standing to the side of the conversation.

"So you're the new weapons expert?" He asks and I nod, turning back to the worktop, although my hands are a little more unsteady now as I sort through the barrels.

"Guns actually." I say, as though it had not been obvious – what other weapons does the Normandy carry? Too long I have been reliant on knives and more rudimentary ways of surviving, guns seem almost a luxury. I recover giving him a gentle smile as he comes up beside me "I.. I'm a gun expert… actually."

He gives me an odd look, the corners of his mouth twitching as he nods at me "Really?" And with a purposeful smile he hands me a thermal clip for the pistol I have in my hand "I'll have to remember that then." He says quietly and with that he moves away from me, back toward the shuttles that sit to the aft of the ship.

I watch him go, my gaze lingering perhaps a little longer than is appropriate.

And then I look some more.

It's been a long time since I've had anything remotely resembling interest and I enjoy the moment, wondering if the feeling is mutual or if I am reading into things again. That is the kind of mistake you only want to make once in your life; and certainly one I'll never live down. Even now poor Kaidan takes a few extra steps away from me when we're in the same room – as though I would actually try to kiss him again now I _know_ he's with Abby!

I could have sworn he was gay though. I'll never forget her face when she saw us!

_The Major glances at me from where he stands, stirring a teaspoon in his mug of black coffee, and I feel something akin to butterflies startle in my stomach as I clear my throat, turning and folding my arms over my chest._

"_Shepard didn't tell me too much about you." He says gently, and his voice is deep and warm and sickly sweet – like velvet, or caramel; I imagine this is what caramel would sound like if it could speak. "I know you pulled her off Mindoir." He offers with a lopsided smile "And I know you mean a lot to her, has she… mentioned me?"_

_I give the Major a once over – no, no she quite clearly has not mentioned him otherwise this first meeting would have been much quicker. His dark eyes wander back to his coffee as he drops the spoon and lifts the mug to his mouth._

"_No," I say quietly "just your name, Major." _

"_Ah. Right. Well." He smiles at me, his face colouring a little "I'm not long back on the Normandy, I was… well I was absent for a time. And I'm actually a Spectre, but typical Shepard _would_ leave that out." He takes another long drink and sets the mug down "She likes to be the best."_

_I watch him prattle on, his sentences punctuated by short, breathless laughs, bashful – almost nervous – glances my way and something inside me decides to react. I reach for him and he flinches, actually jumps a little, and I press my mouth to his gently._

_I hear the mug he was holding crash to the floor, feel the hot splash of coffee on my combats and his hand comes to my chest gently, spreading over my bicep and pushing me back carefully._

"_What…" I hear Abby's voice and the kiss breaks suddenly as Kaidan pulls back from me abruptly, staggering away so quickly he trips backwards, steadying himself just and no more on the countertop._

"_What did I just walk in on?" Abigail asks, her eyebrows risen to the sky as she looks first to me and then to the Major._

To this day the poor guy still insists he was simply caught off guard – and Abigail, well, she certainly had a field day with him.

It feels kind of nice, being back in the swing of things. I spent so long lost to civilisation I can't dwell on what I've missed out on, and I know it is a substantial amount – all I can do is make up for it. Just, maybe a bit more cautiously – apparently my senses are a little out of practice.

_Shepard_

I enter the mess again, dreading that I might come across them still fighting, but to my surprise the place is cleaned and reorganised again.

Hobbs is sitting with his back to me, a mug of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. His arm is still hanging injured by his side and I sigh, loud enough he hears me and glances over his shoulder. His face is bruised, his nose still bloodied and when his eyes meet mine I can see the difficult conversation waiting there for me – but no more running.

"You want me to sort that for you?" I ask, and he glances to his shoulder, ticks his mouth and turns a little in his seat allowing me access to his dislocated limb. "Where's Kaidan?"

I take his fingers and he winces as the first stab of pain flares in his shoulder "After he cleaned up he spent a while in the medbay, then I have no idea. Went to his quarters I think." He says, his eyes locked on my hand as I gently raise his arm.

"Are we going to talk about this Hobbs?" I ask and he avoids my eyes. I lean my thigh against the table, raising my other leg and planting my foot on his chest I hold his fingers loosely, ready.

"What do you want me to say Shepard?" He asks me, and I can hear the emotion in his voice "That I love you? That we both love you and you made your choice and it kills me?" He shakes his head and I pause, my breath catching in my throat as I watch him "You know, I was doing good. I had almost forgot what it was like to be with you – how easy it is to talk to you Shepard; how you make me feel… normal. Like I can let go. Like I don't need to be a superman – I can just be me. I had almost forgotten how naturally you make that come over me."

He smiles, the cut on his lip reopening and he dabs his tongue there idly "You know, I wasn't making waves. I wasn't causing problems, and I enjoyed visiting you – it wasn't as often as I would have liked – but it was… ok. You know; I could see you with Ashley and it was starting to not kill me that she wasn't mine." He drops his gaze again "I know it's not what you want to hear Tempy. I know it's… well, it is what it is. But contrary to what you think I don't actually hate Kaidan – I have nothing against him, but his emotions got the better of him today and that cannot happen again."

I flash a warning glare at him, yanking back as hard as I can with his arm – the sudden movement catches him off guard and he yelps, but I feel the satisfying jerk and pop as his shoulder slides back into joint. He moans, rubbing it gently as he looks to me with a pout.

"You did that on purpose." He mutters.

"You could have killed him." I say flatly and he drops his gaze "You could have killed him Hobbs. You are a trained special operative – an assassin – taking on a biotic in hand-to-hand It's uncalled for and unfair; it's just…" I shake my head and he sulks silently, "I don't want to _fight_ anymore Hobbs. I don't want to lose you."

He rubs his shoulder idly "You're not going to lose me Tempy. But I need you to rein in your boy; I won't court-marshal him this time, but if he's going to stay on board I need to know he'll follow orders. What the hell would have happened if he had walked in to see you kicking the snot out of that alien? He would have got in the way and we all could have been killed. I can't have that on my conscience."

"You know that it was about more than that Hobbs, I'm sure even he knows that." I say and he looks at me with a small smile – then as he sees the anger still in my face the smile falters and he clears his throat loudly.

"Well, I guess you still have to talk to him. Either way."

I press my hands into my hips, watching his face carefully "Alright." I say "I'll talk with him."

He gets to his feet, still rubbing his shoulder "I'm going to go and see how Joker is doing." He makes to move and pauses, turning back to me slightly he grazes my hand at my hip with his fingers "I want you to know… Joker told me about the baby. If I had known that, I never would have put you in that position. I didn't know. I'm sorry and I meant what I said Tempy. I'm not going anywhere. You'll never lose me."

_Kaidan_

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, the anti-inflammatories I found have reduced the swelling, but I still look like I've had a severe beating and it makes my neck burn with shame. What the hell was I thinking? How could I have lost it so badly?

I Wipe my nose with the facecloth and throw it into the sink, pressing my hands on the lip of the porcelain as I catch my breath. I've never been so angry with myself before.

I hear the door to my quarters open, the click of her boots as she comes in and I take a breath; no point in hiding forever. But when I turn to face her I'm not prepared for how much it's going to hurt – or how much panic I feel spread through me that I might have already lost her.

She doesn't say anything for a long time, then she swallows, nodding slowly "You ok?"

I slide my gaze to the floor, embarrassed "All things considered." I say glumly "I think my pride took most of the injury."

"No." She says flatly "No. It really was your face that took the brunt of it." She moves to me, tilting my head back gently with her hand on my forehead as she looks at me closer "Your nose doesn't look too bad. I think it'll heal nicely – did you fix it yourself?"

I nod "We don't have a doctor in the med bay… who knew right?"

She looks at me hard, her blue eyes firm and grounding as I feel that panic slowly dissipate from me, replaced instead by an overwhelming guilt. I can see the bruise on her cheekbone, the mottled purple blossom spreading to just under her eye, the cut on her lip is tentatively healed over but as she opens her mouth to speak I can see the thin flesh stretch, blood pooling beneath.

Her fingers move in mine "Kaidan that can't happen again. He could have killed you."

I recoil from the words, but I know the truth in them, no matter how it makes me feel – how much it hurts my pride to admit it, she's right. If I had pushed him too far I would have been dead. I sigh, moving away from her to sit on the edge of the bed. Spreading my legs I lean my elbows on my knees and look at my boots.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly "I guess we've never really properly talked about this huh Shepard?"

I feel the pressure on the bed next to me as she sits by me, mirroring my posture but instead of looking at her feet her face is turned toward me "No." she says at last "And I am sorry about it Kaidan. I never meant for you to find out how you did – if I could change anything it would be that."

I take that hit, noticing that she doesn't say she would take it back if she could and I swallow that sting as I take a shaky breath. It had been a shock, hadn't it? That she never thought to tell me they had been together, that I had to find out in casual conversation from Garrus of all people! And then we were swept up in the war with no time to talk about it, and when we fell back against each other it hardly seemed to matter at the time – Hobbs wasn't around for it to come to mind I guess.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her "I mean, why not mention it to me when you saw me at the hospital? Or anytime, I would have preferred anytime to finding out accidentally." I say it gently, and tactfully, masking the raw pain it stirs inside me as she shifts uncomfortable beside me.

"I…" She shakes her head "I don't know. Because I was ashamed Kaidan. Because when I got your letter after Horizon… and you told me you had been seeing someone else-"

"I told you about th-" I go to interrupt but she snaps her eyes to mine and I swallow my words.

"I didn't know that she was just a friend though did I? Certainly the way the letter was worded it didn't _sound_ like just friendship Kaidan. And I lost it a little. I was so devastated after Horizon, after you chewed me out – and I hated myself for working with Cerberus, for _needing_ them. And Hobbs was just… there… like always. The same, unchanged, unwavering."

She sighs "I know it was two years for you Kaidan… it's hard to explain what it felt like to wake up and have it feel like it was only minutes later and then have news you were with someone else. It was brutal."

She looks back at me "And I slipped. I fucked up. I leaned into Hobbs when I shouldn't have – both for his sake and yours – and I made this mess."

I watch her as her eyes fill with tears and I feel my own react to it, steepling my fingers in front of me I take a breath "You know, if it had been anyone else Abby I think I would have been ok." I say quietly "But you _knew_ how Hobbs made me feel right from the start… it wasn't just anyone, it was _him_, and that is what really bothers me I think. He makes me feel so damn inferior."

She laughs then and the noise catches my attention surprised as I look at her "You have nothing to be worried about." She smiles "He might be able to outmatch you in a fight, but that is where the competition ends Kaidan."

I look at her carefully, taking the compliment with an uncertain smile "You mean that?"

She laughs again, nudging me with her arm this time "I wouldn't have married you otherwise Alenko."

And just like that the barrier is gone again and I chuckle, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as we drop back on to the bed. She curls into me, her head finding that spot on my shoulder as she plants a gentle kiss on my neck.

"You still my girl?" I ask her, and she slips her arm over my chest, squeezing gently against my bruised ribs.

"Always."

_Hobbs_

The Comms are still down, looks like we are here for the night.

I cross back to the mess, wholly planning on sneaking myself a cheeky sandwich or two, but as I approach the sound of music slows my steps.

It's a guitar, being played well too – and I peer around the bend in the corridor to see what's going on.

Kaidan Alenko is sat on top of the mess hall table, his legs crossed in front of him he is cradling a guitar, apparently quite skilled in playing it from what I have overheard and so I pause curious. In front of him, sat on one of the mess chairs is Abigail, a great bag of potato chips in her lap the two are laughing and eating. Typical really, biotics never gravitate far from the kitchen when they are off duty.

"Alright alright." Kaidan says, taking some chips from her and crushing them into his mouth "I got it." He says between bites, and the music starts once more – interrupted by the sound of him clearing his throat, and I duck back, pressing my back to the wall.

"_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?  
If I can't help falling in love with you.  
Like a river flows, surely to the sea,  
Darling so it goes, some things… they were meant to be  
Take my – take my hand  
Take my whole life too  
For I can't help falling in love with you"_

I hear her laughter, the sound of it like a hammer to my heart and I peer back around to see them caught up in the moment, kissing as though they were at home and not sitting in a mess hall on a warship.

It's that I can't give her, I realise sullenly. No matter how hard I try, or how much she begged, I could never be anything but a soldier. For me the Alliance – no matter how much I loved her – came first; and I am outmatched in that degree.

What Kaidan gives her is stability, a foundation in love and trust and the ability to put her above all else. As I look at her now through his eyes I can see how happy she is, I can feel what they have is real and pure and honest and I am just standing in the way. Even if I tell her I'm not, the truth is _I'm_ holding her back.

Well no more. I raise that white flag; I surrender. He has me beat. As long as she is happy I cannot ask for more – how did I get myself so convinced she wasn't?

With a sinking realisation I smile, taking one last glance around the corner – and now they are wholly and inappropriately using the mess – but as I walk away, back the way I came I am smiling, for real and for the first time in what feels like forever.


End file.
